Advice On Divorce For Christians
There are certain words which spring to mind when you think of a Christian; words like love, forgiveness and sacrifice. But Christians are human and humans do not always do what they should do nor behave in a way which is fair or just. As a result two Christians who marry may find themselves with a rocky relationship and end up seeking a divorce.
Not that this applies only to Christians but many marriages end because one of the partners wants out. Of course there many marriages where both want the divorce but a Christian may feel doubly hurt if their spouse alone wants the marriage to end.
The important thing to understand here is that divorce is no protector of reputation, class or creed. Any and all types of marriages end in divorce and just because the spouses are both a Christian does not guarantee their relationship will last.
So being aware that divorce can happen to you and having tried whatever you can to save the marriage, if your partner wants a divorce there is nothing legally you can do to stop it happening. That being the case what you must do is sit down and list what you want to happen after the divorce. Are there children involved? If so then who will care for them, who will pay for their upkeep and what other arrangements would you like to see put in place? List your requirements.
The same goes for assets which may well include the family home. Do you want to stay in the home? Do you want the children to live as normal a life as possible? Again list your desires.
When it comes to seeking an agreement over these matters, either with a lawyer, a mediator or perhaps just you and your spouse, it’s vital you have expectations. Being upset is a given. Particularly if you want the marriage to continue. But when the divorce is granted you want to be able to get on with the rest of your life and if that is to happen successfully, you need to get most if not all of your reasonable requests in that divorce settlement.
You may find that people in your church will judge you. Times have changed. Divorce is no longer the shameful and whispered-about thing it once was. With divorce so common today it is natural that some Christian marriages will end in divorce. Work on your self-esteem and self-confidence and get on with the rest of your life.
If you find the response from members of your church is not helpful you can always join another church. Christians, by their very nature, are forgiving and nurturing people and you may well find some of the greatest support networks right in the membership of your local church.
Remember too that as a Christian you should be forgiving towards your spouse. Even if you feel bitter and upset that they have wanted to end the marriage, your faith should enable you to forgive and move on. Harboring hatred in your heart will not help on your road to recovery. Remember that even if your spouse no longer loves you, God does and always will.
Berna Abonita is associated with, www.divorceguide.com, a website offering advice on Christian divorce and Christian divorces.