After a divorce: Dating and your ex-spouse
Divorce breaks up the family unit and no matter whose fault the break-up may have been, it is inevitable that dating will follow as each partner moves on in their lives, trying to establish new roots and new lifestyle with someone else. There are several viewpoints that need to be examined in order to see the full picture.
Not every spouse who has a divorce wants one, and there will always be the baggage of jealousy and insecurity that will affect those people who have had their lives disrupted by unwanted divorce, while those who choose to move on just want to be able to date without hassle from the ex.
To get a full picture of what happens emotionally, let us examine the situation from different points of view, as an explanation of what happens helps divorced people to recognize those traits which are relevant to their particular circumstances.
The Cheating Spouse.
If you left your wife or husband for someone else, what happens is that the deserted spouse will always make comparisons. You have moved on in your life and chances are that they haven’t. The best way of dealing with your date in these circumstances is not to introduce even more turmoil in the mind of your spouse.
They will already be looking to see what your new date can offer that they cannot. Their mind will be filled with self doubt, and one of the most difficult balancing acts is to date discretely and not make the ex feel worse about themselves.
Often divorcees make the mistake of flaunting their new partner and although this may not be intentional, it aggravates the situation and makes the emotional discord last longer than it needs to. Being more discrete and not making comparisons of your new found love with your ex is a very wise move, since this allows your ex to move on quicker and not to relapse into misery for a long period of time, doubting their own attraction.
It’s a catch 22 situation that you have created and telling your ex they were not good enough for you makes the situation worse. Flaunting someone who is apparently good enough adds to the fuel on the fire and doesn’t help your ex move on.
The Deserted Spouse
Coming out of a divorce that you didn’t really want is hard. Perhaps you still love your partner and it’s even harder knowing that he chose someone else to share his life with. Seeing them out on a date cuts like a knife and adds to the self doubt. Those divorcees that are naturally faithful sorts find it very hard to move on in situations like this, since their trust