Author Archives: Stephanie Basser

The “Non-Divorce” Divorce

This past week, typically mindless commentary during a popular morning talk show caught my attention. All of a sudden amidst my morning routine, I heard words and phrases like “solution” and “cost-effective” and “best interests of the children” and… “divorce.” The host claimed there is a new phenomenon in which a married couple remains together, in almost every sense of the word, despite the fact that both desire a divorce. He referred to it as the “non-divorce” divorce. Supposedly, this trend is gaining popularity as the solution to a failed marriage.

The “non-divorce” divorce is a mutual verbal agreement between two married individuals who want to keep their marriage in tact, but fully accept that the relationship is over. The goal is to feel divorced while continuing to live together and not get a divorce. In other words, the couple does not want to go through the divorce process, but they don’t want to reconcile either. They don’t want to hire attorneys, file papers, argue over custody or support, lessen the time their children see either of them, or lose one-half of their financial assets. So, they decide to remain as if they are married. They live in the same family home as roommates, participate in their children’s lives as they had before they wanted a divorce, and maintain/preserve the marital estate.

Of course, most couples who attempt the “non-divorce” divorce are those who have children and/or those that have been married a considerable period of time and do not feel it is beneficial to disrupt the community on an emotional or financial level. Or at least they feel that the costs of a divorce clearly overshadow the costs of remaining together-even when there is no love left.

I cannot speak to the negative psychological effects that could result from this “solution.” However, I can certainly speak to the negative legal effects and problems that could arise.

First, if you never decide to separate in family law terms (that is, one party making a conscious decision that the marriage is irrevocably over and communicating the intention to end the marriage), there is never a date of separation. The “date of separation” is important in family law because it marks the end of the community. From that date there is no longer a collection of community assets or community debts-instead, a spouse’s separate property and debts begin to accumulate, as they did before marriage. Your spouse will continue to be entitled to one-half of all of your property and you will be liable for one-half of your spouse’s debt. Therefore, if you are both managing your finances separately without full disclosure and mutual agreement, you could be adversely affected. What’s more, your spouse will continue to be entitled to all benefits they were when you were happily married, including possible rights to the family home, life insurance, devises/gifts from a will or trust, and health insurance, to name a few.

The determination of a long term marriage (which can yield indefinite spousal support) is also associated with the date of separation. For example, if your marriage is eight years in duration, and you attempt a non-divorce for 3 years, followed by a real dissolution, the court’s characterization of the marriage as long term will probably be contested and require substantial litigation.

Living as financially independent roommates could also present a problem with expenses. Unless you agree to distribute both of your respective incomes in a way that benefits the community, one spouse may not have enough to support his or her lifestyle. Regardless, if you are still residing in the family home with your spouse, the courts will not grant any spousal or child support. Since you have avoided going to the courts entirely, a support award is virtually impossible anyway.)

In the same way, no child custody or visitation orders will ever be established. This means that after attempting the “non-divorce” divorce for a year or so, and after resorting to the real thing, a parent may have a hard time making a case that he or she should be the primary custodian. This is because even if one parent is the primary caregiver during the non-divorce, this fact will be hard to establish if both parents were living in the same home all the while.

For the aforementioned reasons, the non-divorce presents significant legal problems. Spouses who try this “solution” cannot be guaranteed that one spouse will not attempt to obtain a legal divorce down the road. If this occurs, a spouse will not be afforded some of the protections that a traditional divorce provides. In order to ensure that you make an educated decision, you should speak to an attorney who specializes in family law matters. He or she can point you to two potential solutions-a post-nuptial agreement or a legal separation. Both options will cost some amount of fees and time in mundane paperwork, but will allow you to live whatever lifestyle you want with protection and peace of mind.

Copyright (c) 2007 Law Offices of Donald P. Schweitzer

http://www.articlecity.com/articles/legal/article_964.shtml

The 10 Best Hair Bands of the 1980’s

The 10 best hair bands of the 1980’s had big hair and even bigger hits.  Often referred to as “posers” because they seemed to care more about their image than the music,  hair bands came onto the music scene in the 1980’s and took MTV by storm.  Dressed in leather, spandex, and boots, these bands preened and posed, giving sultry looks right into the camera. The music they played was a mix of rock and roll and heavy metal-a very light”pop” metal. Because the musicians had long, flowing hair moussed and hair sprayed to the heavens, they became known as “hair bands”.

Here are ten of the best hair bands of the 1980’s.



Winger

Kip Winger and company hit the music scene in 1988 with the smash hit Madelaine.  His smoldering good looks were perfect for music video.  Along with band mates Reb Beach, Rod Morgenstern and John Roth, they toured the world with artists like ZZ Top. and heated up the charts from 1988-1994.  They had several successful reunion tours  during the 1990’s with a slightly changed line up, and released a new CD in November 2009 called Karma.  This musical effort garnered Winger a list on the top 10 best album list of almost every rock website and magazine.[3556]

http://www.infobarrel.com/The_10_Best_Hair_Bands_of_the_1980s

A Marriage Suffering Through a Terrible Crisis

Divorce causes cause havoc in a person’s life and when there is a child or children involved it can be worse for everyone. A wife/husband must come to a realization she/he has to walk out of a marriage when there’s cheating, abuse, mental torture, and mistreatments. The longer a person stays in the marriage, the more pain and suffering they’ll have to endure. People who do not leave a bad marriage ends up losing their self-respect, self-confidence, self-esteem, and they’ll end up dying a little every day and being left with a troubled mind.

I can attest to the above paragraph because my first marriage was a terrible mistake and I have no-one to blame but my inexperience as a young woman. I had been shielded throughout my life from anything pertaining to night life, drinking, carousing, abuse, cheating, lying, and mistreatments. I had never lived in a cit; therefore, I was an innocent girl put out to the wolves when I accepted a job in the Washington, D.C. area.

I was taught a man is the head of a household and a marriage is sacred and everything should be tried in the marriage before a divorce is ever to be considered. Needless to say, I married someone who was all of the thing listed in paragraph 2. I was mistreated, cheated on, lied to, married to a heavy drinker, and other misfortunes. I tried in everyway to make the marriage work but when my ex started “not” bringing home a paycheck, I had to find a place for my baby and I to live.

When there is a child or children in a marriage, it’s hard to give up on a marriage because the parent tries to hold it together for the sack of their child/children. It’s hard for them to come to a point where they will want a parent to leave or get a divorce. They love their parents regardless of what a parent does and they do not want their parents to separate or divorce for fear they’ll lose out on a parent.

It was important to me that I not allow my child to sway my decision to end my marriage. Take note, cruelty in a marriage rarely ever stops, and it does affect even the smallest of children. A lack of a decision to end a marriage can have serious adverse effects for them. To this day, my daughter has never seen her Dad since she was about three years old. He’s never had any contact with her and I’m sure this has had a big affect on her life. The smallest of children watch and hear more than parents realize; rest assured, they’re aware a parent is suffering from beatings, cheating, lying, mental abuse, and various types of mistreatments. It’s not a secret to them and it’s written all over their tiny faces, regardless of their age, when the abuser is around.

Children try to hide their feelings from their parent’s and this causes it to fester in their mind and cause hate and resentment to build-up until the child/children begins to lash out. This also causes them to have a lack of self-esteem, self-confidence, the ability to express love and have concern for others, and the ability to trust other people.

I was a woman/man who was in a marriage and I knew it would never last but I had to accept it and move on with my life. A decision for a parent to remain only equals punishment and loss of self-worth for the person receiving the abuse. I “still” suffer scars from that first mistake in my life.

If you’re a woman/man who is suffering through a rough marriage, it’s time to take an analysis of the situation before there’s a major breakdown in your situation. When a person comes to the conclusion the marriage will never work, walk away, and seek the advice of a counselor and a lawyer. There’s lots of help in our society today, and may I suggest, you seek it.

Let go of all of the hurt and pain harbored within and face your next steps with a feeling of having freedom. Go and celebrate the feelings of being free from daily aggravations, beatings, cheating, lying, wrong-doings, dishonesty, abuse, and all the misfortunes you have suffered during the marriage.

Once I had the courage to walk away from the mistreatment and abuse, I started to regain my self-confidence and self-esteem and I was able to move on in my life. I saw a healing almost immediately because I was free from the abuse and pain. Yes, I did find “true love” and I was blessed with a wonderful husband and father to my children.

This article written by Barbara Ann Smith & It’s Her Own Opinion – Copyright 2012

Photograph Images & Copyrights as follows:

1. wikimedia commons/Antoine Taveneaux

2. sxc.hu/Billy Alexander

3. sxc.hu/glendali

4. sxc.hu/Lusi

Barbara Kasey Smith was raised in a small coal-camp in West Virginia. When she was old enough to be aware of the hard life of a coal miner s daughter, she began realizing many things in life is not fair for…  View profile

Sample Relocation Letter

If you are looking for a new job, you cannot simply send out your resume by itself. This is particularly true if the job is in a location other than where you currently live. Learn what information you should include in a relocation cover letter and download a free sample template.

Cover Letter Basics

Any cover letter should touch upon three key points. You should open the letter with your reason for writing it. For example, if you saw a listing for a specific position in a newspaper advertisement or an online job board, mention this as the cause for your letter. If a mutual acquaintance referred you, state this as well. Even if you are simply sending an unsolicited resume, your letter of inquiry should note why you have an interest in the company to which you are applying.

The second piece of information your cover letter should include is an outline of what you can offer the employer. Bullet points that highlight your recent outstanding achievements and skills that are pertinent to the job or field are ideal. Be concise and put your best foot forward.

Finally, you should conclude the cover letter with a word of thanks for the hiring manager’s time and a request or statement regarding a follow-up phone call.

While you should certainly include all of this information in a relocation cover letter, there are other elements to mention as well.

Image Credit: Tricia Goss

Your Reasons for Relocating

It is a good idea to include a brief explanation about why you are moving to the new location in your relocation cover letter. This is particularly true if your reasons are positive ones and they point to you staying in the area indefinitely. For instance, perhaps your spouse was promoted, which means moving your family to the location of his corporate offices. Likewise, it is worth mentioning if your spouse or partner is in the military and has been assigned to that location, especially if it is a long-term assignment. Other reasons you may want to include are that you are moving closer to family members or getting married and moving to your new spouse’s hometown. Provide a specific date as of which you will be available, if at all possible.

You might not want to mention your reasons if they somehow cast you in a bad light. The employment situation in your current area may be less than optimal and perhaps you were laid off from your last two or three positions. While the situation may have had nothing to do with your performance, stating that you want to move because you keep experiencing layoffs and cannot find a new job there may cause the potential employer to question your performance.

Image credit: sxc.hu/Rachel Spauldilng

Why You?

The company to which you are applying could hire someone in their local vicinity without the worry of extra time and logistical issues. Your relocation cover letter must make a strong case regarding why the potential employer would benefit from hiring you over a local candidate. Your resume should be very convincing as well, but you must entice the employer to read it with substantial, persuasive references to your qualifications.

Image credit: sxc.hu/Fotocromo

Will It Cost Them?

If the business to which you are applying did not initially seek you out and request your resume, it is fair to presume that you will not expect them to pay for your relocation. Unless you have skills and experience that are absolutely unique and in demand, you should note in your relocation cover letter that you will incur any expenses required for you to move to the area.

Image Credit: sxc.hu/Dani Simmonds

Sample Relocation Cover Letter

Using a sample template allows you to save time and still create a custom cover letter. Here is a free relocation cover letter you can download to any version of Microsoft Word. Simply click the download link below and then click on the Download button on the template page. The file will open as a new Word document. Enter your contact information as well as the recipients. Be sure to customize the letter with the job title you seek, the name of the site or publication in which you learned of the position and so on. When you are done, be sure to save the file on your computer and print it or email it as needed.

Download link page: Sample Relocation Letter MS Word Template

http://www.brighthub.com/office/career-planning/articles/89845.aspx

A Guide to Talking to the Media from an Insider

I am the media.  I work as a reporter, editor and producer for a network.

Cue the hisses, catcalls, tomato throwing and villagers with torches and pitchforks.

I know my job ranks up there with lawyers, politicians and used car salesmen.

I am also just like you. I’m actually a little shy.

A major part of of my job is talking to people. It’s also one of the best parts of my job.

Why would you have to talk to the media?

You don’t, but you may want to.

In 1968 Andy Warhol talked about everyone having fifteen minutes of fame. You may be called up to reach your fifteen minutes of fame as someone who witnessed a remarkable event like a tornado, or as a spokesperson for your group or organization.

Ahead, lets look at the three types of people we regularly talk to, and how to make talking to the media a pleasant and productive experience.

Who Does the Media Talk to?

http://www.infobarrel.com/A_Guide_to_Talking_to_the_Media_from_an_Insider

Rise of the DIY divorce…

Couples who are somewhat impoverished are causing court chaos by representing themselves in the midst of cutbacks. According to the Daily mail; the recession and upcoming cuts to legal aid are putting immense pressure on family courts as these couples increasingly represent themselves.

I will therefore write a little post of pure commentary on this issue as there are repercussions to the recession for sure!

Whilst reading this and the talk of immense pressure on the courts, it raised a flag of discomfort and pressure of the couples who are the ones forced to represent themselves without help. There is a new arbitration scheme where there is a process that allows couples a more informal legal setting allowing them to settle out of court by employing expensive specially trained lawyers. A system that will prevent a level of hazard, sure, but one that is very much in favor for the wealthy, and as it is not a common occurrence where money is an easy factor for all couples especially in the area of divorce, the pressure on the courts seems one that has been self influenced in my opinion.

Certain views of representing one’s self suggest that it’s less time-consuming if you represent yourself. The lawyer is the middle-man who gets paid in abundance to forward the legal documents between the customer and the court, charges you all your calls per minute, sends you a vast amount of unnecessary correspondence in order to rip you off etc. Some say it is less stressful, more straightforward and faster.

However… Several judges told The Law Society Gazette that cases where litigants represented themselves it took twice as long because they often needed help navigating the legal process. One said: ‘We are getting more and more people coming to court in private law cases without the benefit of sensible, structured legal advice, wanting to spill blood on the court carpet,

More and more people are requesting to push for a no-fault divorce, explaining that with the fault-based divorce system in action currently with blame apportioned, ‘it is a confrontational process which benefits no one’ as the certain prospects believe. But whether you believe DIY divorce is the way to go or not, earlier this month Sir Nicholas Wall, the most senior family judge in England and Wales, warned of ‘a substantial increase’ in the number of people who will be forced to represent themselves in court due to cuts in legal aid. This is not to mention the rise of do it yourself services like www.quickie-divorce.com, www.quickiedivorce.co.uk and www.divorcefast.com.

The question begs: can people represent themselves confidently and not recklessly? In the midst of an intensive breakup whilst being in a state of shock – how does one try to cope with the legal system with little or no help!?

However simple some make it out to be, it does not sound inviting…

At Naked Divorce, we have some great contacts with lawyers and have vouchers for 1 hour consultations to consider all your options. Many lawyers today do fixed fee divorces and meditation is a low-cost effective option too. So before you run off trying to do it on your own – seek help today…

Till next time!

Lots of hugs,

Adele

Adèle Théron – Author, Change specialist, Family Mediator and Divorce Angel – has an 11 year career in helping people cope with change. She started off in the corporate world helping people adapt to new situations and experiences created by mergers, acquisitions and large software implementations. The change techniques she created have helped thousands of people in 18 global companies worldwide. When she herself experienced a divorce in 2009, she realised that no structured processes existed to help people cope with divorce and she used her change management techniques to develop a revolutionary systemized process called the naked divorce for healing from divorce within 21 steps. Adèle has worked with professional men, women and couples as a family mediator, divorce coach and divorce program trainer, helping people heal from break ups, separations and divorce. Today countless people depend on her process to help them heal from divorce. www.nakeddivorce.com

Create Trust within Blended Family Blended Family Trust Step Parenting Trust

Trust is defined as the reliance on the integrity, strength and ability of a person or thing. You likely want your step-children to feel this at the start of a blended family, but it’s a thing that must be earned. For a child coming into a new blended family, he is likely to already be a bit weary of trusting in a family. His original nuclear family was torn apart from divorce, and he may harbor such fears like the fact that it may happen again. He may worry that the arguments he may have witnessed at the demise of his parents’ marriage may come up in a new marriage. However, there are many ways that a child’s fears can be replaced with reassurance and trust.

Instigate and continue an ongoing dialogue with your spouse regarding building trust within the family. Speak openly about your own children; ask your spouse many things about his children. Learning about your new stepchildren can help you understand them more fully; that can only help with communication.

Start with the truth. Don’t expect a child to place a continued trust in you if you’ve lied to him before. Avoid lying to members of the blended family at all costs. Even if you come up looking as less-than-stellar, it’s still better than a lie. Lies are something that children are hard-pressed to forget, and a child often looks for reasons to be even more skeptical of a new step-parent.

Speak openly. While it may be tempting to push emotions under the rug for fear of creating an environment that’s overly emotional, that’s ultimately unhealthy. Using language that is neutral and not attacking, express your feelings. This will teach all the children that they are free to do the same, as long as they do so respectfully of others. If you are angry at something, be sure to state that you are angry at a certain action. Never say, “I’m mad at you.” Instead, state, “I’m so mad at that action. This is why it hurt my feelings…” It makes a child listen and avoids making them feel defensive.

Admit it when you’re wrong. Apologize for mistakes that you make. A child is much more likely to trust you if he understands that you make mistakes and take responsibility for them. It also makes it easier for a child to admit when she is in trouble herself.

State your intent to be there for the child openly, honestly and with promises that you can keep. Telling the child that you love him is important. Telling the child the many reasons why you love him-and naming them specifically-helps him believe it more easily. That also helps his confidence. Promise a child that you will always stop and listen to him if he has a problem no matter how busy you are if it’s a promise that you can make when you’re at home.

Expressing love, empathy and dedication will help start you, your spouse, your children and your step-children towards building a family environment of trust.

 

http://www.helium.com/items/1598899-create-trust-within-blended-family-blended-family-trust-step-parenting-trust

Divorce Rates in Today's Society

Many marriages end in divorce. In facto, 50% of all marriage end shortly after they begin. There are many theories as to why the number of divorces has risen so drastically. Is it the timeless tale of miscommunication between a man and a woman? Is generation X simply a group of less tolerant people, unwilling to deal with slight imperfections in a marriage? What solutions are there to prevent these frequent divorces?

There are many theories as to why current marriages frequently end in divorce. Is it still that men and women simply do not understand each other’s needs and wants? Is there a lack of respect for each other and for marriage in general? Has social, economical, political, and interpersonal change left this generation so they don’t know how to understand the opposite sex? Has changes in marriage roles been so drastically changed, a man and woman are unable to make a matter work? Is generation X so emotionally scarred by their parent’s failed marriages that they are unable to have a successful, intimate relationship? Are people marrying out of a fear of loneliness? Is generation X unable to “make the best of” a situation? (whY divorce?)

“There is a consensus that the overall I U.S. divorce rate had a brief spurt after WWII, followed by a decline, then starting to rise in the 1960s and even more quickly in the 1970s and leveled off [in the] 1980s and [has since] declined slightly.” (Divorce Statistic Collections) The Barna Research Group interviewed 3,854 adults from 48 states and determined that 11% of the adult population is currently divorced. However, 25% of adults have been divorced. This means that second marriages are a viable option. (U.S. Divorce Rates)

The same research determined that there was a relationship between divorce rates and faith denominations. Baptists have a divorce rate of 29%, and people of the Jewish faith have a divorce rate of 30%. However, it was found that Catholics, Lutherans, and Atheists have a divorce rate of 21%. Is is possible that religions with specific, strict gender roles may force marriages that end in divorce? (U.S. Divorce Rates)

Generational gaps also seem to play a major role in divorce. Marriages of people in generation X have a divorce rate of 50%, while Baby Boomer (now age 33 to 52) have a divorce rate of 34%. People from the Builder’s generation (age 53 to 72) have a slightly higher divorce rate of 37%. Seniors, age 72 and older have a divorce rate of just 18%. It is possible that morals and gender roles have so drastically changed in the past 50 years, that marriages today simply can’t work. (U.S Divorce Rates)

It has also been determined that divorce rates are related to location. Marriages in the south and the Midwest have a 27% chance of ending in divorce. Marriages in the west of a slightly lower risk of 26% resulting in divorce. However, marriages in the northeast have a 19% chance of concluding in divorces. The change in divorce rates due to locations may be due to the fact that the common age of marriage is younger in some areas. Also, in these areas household incomes are lower, putting a financial burden on a straining relationship. (U.S Divorce Rates)

There are many proposed solutions to the problem of increased divorced rates. Should people not marry at all, but rather live together only? Should grounds for divorce be stricter with divorces rarely given? Should marriages be a contract with the option to renew after 2, 3 or 5 years? If couples were given the option to allow the marriage contract to simply expire, less effort would be put into making marriage work. Marriage would just be a convenient alternative to dating or living together. There would be more children living in single-parent homes, and the trend would continue. By making marriage a renewable contract, it would be considered a game or,a product, like a car which one can lease until they are ready for another. Marriage, a union of people in love, would be made a mockery.

A better solution to the divorce issue is to have a mandatory period an engaged couple must live together. This would allow a couple to see how they relate to each other and if a successful marriage is possible. Then, a couple should have the option to marry. If they found it impossible to live together, than perhaps, marriage is not an ideal relationship for them. However, if they found their trial period was successful, marriage may be an option.

There are many reasons why marriages are unsuccessful. Age, location, morals, communication, and faith all effect the success of a marriage. Many solutions to this divorce issue have been proposed, including an option to marriage: a renewable contract. This solution would not only result in more failed marriages. Communication needs to be improved upon, as well as the reasons a couple feels they should get married, should be closely examines before a commitment is made.

Works Cited

“Divorce Statistics Collection: Summary of findings so far,” Americans for Divorce Reforms, at http:www.divorceform.org/results.html

“U.S. divorce rates: for carious faith groups, age groups, and geogrphapical areas.” Religious Tolerance, at http://religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm

“whY? divorce,” Anonymous, at http://members.aol.com/WhyPage/divorce1.html

My name is Sara Campbell. I am a 24 year old teacher in NJ. I was recently married and currently live with my husband and our two cats.  View profile

Guide to Get Through the Moron Test: Winter Break

The Winter Break Moron Test is the third section by DistinctDev. Taking on a more Winter Theme as the title suggests here are some hints and tips to get you through.

Top of the Class

If you’ve managed to pass the Old School and Late Registration sections of the Moron Test, you’ll know the begining is always quite simple. Build the snowman, note the clever wording ‘Add the hat after the arms’ and follow the instructions over the first few slides.

Take your Time… Sometimes

To start the fire on this screen you must tap the wood 7 times, if you touch the fire once it’s lit you’ll be sent back to the checkpoint!

When you see the word quick, note that there is a time limit so you must hurry. This applies when you have to touch the turtle so be vigilant!

Getting Trickier

Now it’s getting tricky! When you come to ‘Quick, press the green button’ you’ll have noted that you need to break the ice by tapping on it until the ice breaks, so another devilish trick they pull is to change the wording for this, so just tap it once and you’ll notice it changes to ‘Don’t touch the frozen green button’. So don’t and you’re through.

The correct snowflake is the top left where you’re asked which matches the one which flashed on screen.

Another tricky part is where you’re told to ‘quick, touch the giraffe’, he is the third animal to appear.

Now, you’ll get to a screen with seemingly identical pictures of 4 turtles asking which does not belong? It is the bottom left and only because the top of its shell is slightly different!

Another tricky one is next. You’ll be shown a clock and asked to press the timer – the timer is on the bottom left timing you as you go through so that’s what you need to tap.

Almost a Genius

You’ll now be given instructions which disappear when you press the first button. This can be a little tricky when the buttons are moving all over the screen so to help you, press the red button, then the blue button twice, then green once and orange twice.

Now you’ll be given a hint – it’s a picture of a penguin so keep this in mind as you’ll need it shortly.

Here you’ll need more patience, be careful we’re almost done! Building on the momentum of the game you’ll be asked to ‘quick touch the frog’ but you need to wait for the button on the screen to leave, where 3 penguins, one by one, will appear. The button will again reappear and then you’ll see the frog to the bottom right of the screen – be quick!

Done!

The very last section is more button pressing, again the directions disappear so it’s the green button twice, blue three times, orange button once and red four times.

You’re now on a screen with random letters, remember the hint? Spell PENGUIN! Watch for the letters moving though.

And the very last obstruction from Genius is helping get food for the turtle which is high up in the tree. Shake your phone and the apple will drop – just touch the turtle and congratulations!

Need More Moron Test Help?

If theres any part you’re unsure of, just leave a comment and we’ll let you know how to get past it.

http://www.brighthub.com/mobile/iphone/articles/94931.aspx

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