Divorce Advice Hints
Getting divorced impacts on every area of your life so do not be surprised if you find yourself dealing with challenges outside your area of expertise for parts of your life that you did not think about.
A marriage, especially long term, is usually a collaboration of duties performed by two people to create one family unit, with or without children. These individual chores or duties come about through discussion or osmosis as the marriage develops.
So, in some cases, when a separation or divorce occurs you may be completely unprepared for the roles that you find thrust upon you as home maker, parent, or bread winner. You may not have looked after the monthly bills and have not needed to work out a budget or you may not have so much as boiled an egg in years. These additional challenges on top of dealing with the emotions associated with divorce can cause large amounts of upset, frustration and blame.
Accept the Separation or Divorce
The first step in divorce recovery is to accept that the divorce is a reality. You may not be happy about it, even if you are the one to initiate the proceedings or you feel with a little help the marriage could be saved. This may be true but for the time being you are on your own and must accept this and do everything in your power to make your life as pleasant as possible.
1. Stop talking about your marriage to anyone that will listen
2. Stop whining to people about how hard things are.
Take Responsibility for Your Marriage
The old saying ‘it takes two to tango’ is true of marriage. If you have been taken by surprise by being asked for a divorce then now is the time to look back and ask yourself why you didn’t see that your spouse was unhappy.
Placing blame at this time will only prolong the feelings of grief and hopelessness you are feeling. Taking a proactive look at how you behaved in the marriage and contributed to its disintegration will empower you and stop you from ever making the same mistakes again.
1. Do not play the ‘blame’ game.
2. Question yourself about how you reacted to the situations in your marriage that have effected this change.
3. Also, question yourself about why you picked this spouse in the first place. Accept that you picked this person for your own reasons and these reasons have had an effect on the marriage?
4. How have you changed in the relationship?
Take Responsibility for Today
You are now a single adult living alone. It may not be what you want but it is the way it is so suck it up and get on with it.
Make a long list of all the frustrations you have in your daily life and then make another list with the frustrations as headings and possible solutions to these challenges underneath. For instance, if you do not cook well, you can take a class (with the added benefit of meeting new people), order in prepackaged healthy foods, buy cook books or DVDs, and ask friends or family to teach you fundamentals. The one thing you must not do is eat badly and then blame your ex for the amount of weight you are putting on or use the divorce as an excuse for the amount of weight you are putting on. You are an adult and your food intake is your responsibility, it actually always was even when you were splitting the chores.
The same goes for any other challenge you are having. If you can’t do the budget and bills find someone to teach you, if you can’t decorate your new home find someone to help, if you can’t mow the lawn find someone to help, etc, etc.
It is no longer your ex’s responsibility to do for you and asking will only make the separation process more difficult.
Be Proud of Your New Accomplishments
Every time you learn to do something new celebrate. You will start to find joy in accomplishing these small tasks and feeling like you are getting more empowered and in control. It is how you handle taking control of your life as a single person that will determine how long it takes to move forward in your new life.
You may find yourself still being very sad that your marriage has broke up and that is normal and will take as long as it takes but having total responsibility for the way you now live brings a sense of control.
These divorce advice tips will help you move forward and take responsibility for your life and your happiness so you can create a life for yourself and your family full of optimism and not blame.
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