Divorce as the New "Breaking Up"

“I want a divorce” has become the all-too-common “let’s break up.” The only problem is that a marriage was meant to last more than just a few months. It’s typical for teens and those just “dating” to break up after a few months or even weeks. They are still developing and growing into themselves. However, more often today it’s common for adults to divorce as it it were a teen romance. Why?

One thought is that not all grownups are really “grown up.” Instead, many young couples who marry have not allowed ample time for themselves to grow as individuals. Instead, they develop a marriage identity, but never one of their own. This is often more evident in women. Soon after wedlock, women find themselves developing the identities of wife and mother. The latter is true even without the actual children (and can be said of men becoming fathers.) A person’s identity is, in part, their individuality. Some couples begin to “grow apart” as they begin to realize thier true identities, their individual aspirations and their incompatibilities. But what of those who are older individuals who experience divorce more than once?

Sadly, there are “career divorcees.” Some actually marry for looks or money and once those things are gone – so is the marriage. I recently heard of a popular television personality who is getting divorced for the tenth time. First, it should be analyzed what women see in marriage to such a person. One wouldn’t think it’s due to the trust and desire for a long term commitment. Second, the thought arises as to why the television personality is unable to sustain a long term commitment. It’s actually unfortunate that marriage has become such a “throw away” institution.

When thinking of married couples we know, how many have been married for over twenty years or more? Wow, the number could probably be counted on one hand. The current thought arises, before and after filing bankruptcy, there is a course one has to take. Perhaps the same should be done with marriage. Some churches won’t marry until marriage courses are taken. This should be law. And for those contemplating divorce, (unless there are violence issues), married couples should be mandated to take a course before being allowed to finalize the divorce. There is a book that I’ve been reading I Love You, Let’s Work It Out by Dr. David Viscott that even has exercises for couples seeking to salvage their relationships.

Too often, couples are willing to “throw in the towel” on a marriage that has just begun. They don’t allow themselves to endure a difficult time or two together. If there is a true test to the marriage itself, they conclude that a divorce and a new mate is the answer. Although divorcing has become common, for future generations, it is our obligation to really think about what a commitment means to us. Marriage is a commitment. Commitments are for people who have grown up.

My name is Jakata, most people and my students call me “Ms. Kata.” I have been living in Georgia for about eight years now. I’ve also lived in Louisiana and Mississippi for a few years. By far, Georgia is th…  View profile

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