Is My Marriage In A Stage Of Emotional Divorce?
More often than not, before legal divorce happens, Emotional Divorce first takes place. Most of the time one spouse has been harboring feelings of resentment for quite some time and has been keeping it secret. Emotions are not meant to be bottled up, especially negative ones. They are toxic for the body and mind; it’s as if they release noxious gases. And when gases are bottled up they will soon explode from the pressure.
With Emotional Divorce, there is the spouse who has already detached his/her emotions from the marriage while still assuming their normal responsibilities as a husband or wife. Most of the time, the other half of the relationship will be overwhelmed by the news that this spouse wants a divorce and his/her mind is already made up. That spouse has already gone through an Emotional Divorce and the next step which is the actual divorce is nothing more than just a formality to legally separate ties. The unknowing partner is not only hurt but also baffled, “how long has this been going on?” they may wonder.
Once the couple has undergone an Emotional Divorce saving the marriage can be very difficult, so it is best to always have open and honest communication to avoid the other from harboring feelings of contempt. Be sensitive to one another and always be open to how you feel. Trust is vital, without it, you will not feel secure and safe enough to engage in open and honest communication.
An Emotional Divorce usually starts with one spouse first, it rarely happens simultaneously. One spouse will distance themselves from the relationship and this process could sometimes take years before that person finally decides that they want a legal divorce.
Some signs that your spouse is already emotionally disconnected from you:
- Often withdrawn, cold and distant.
- Frequently spends time away from home, often for long periods of time.
- Irritable and impatient.
- condescending & disrespectful
The unknowing spouse who is left behind often tries to control the situation by delaying the divorce process and even becomes clingy, begging and pleading for another chance. If these gestures fail to save the marriage, the left behind spouse may feel lost and confused trying to figure out what went wrong, and low self esteem may follow; blaming oneself for not seeing the signs sooner. This is often accompanied with feelings of anxiety and fear about the future. With all these psychological battles, the one left behind may resort to stalking or harassing.
An emotional divorce is difficult not only for the one who is left behind but even for the one who walked away. Imagine what that person went through or how much that person has suffered. After undergoing an emotional divorce couples should refrain playing the blame game. Separation is painful enough as it is without adding more pain. Understand that your spouse is walking away from the hurt, pain and unhappiness and not because he/she has an agenda to purposefully hurt you. What one must do is come to terms with their own emotions and how they will go about with their life because that is the one thing that you can control.