7 Divorce Survival Tips for Men Everywhere

Despite many years of trying to make our marriage work, my wife and I finally separated in December 1999. My ensuing seven year divorce did not go well, and to date it represents some of the darkest and saddest days in my life.

The maxim “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” was my daily credo. As the challenges unfolded and I faced ever new and ever awful tests, I grew stronger and more resilient.

The original moping and pathetic “why me?” behaviour was eventually replaced with a sense of purpose, a sense of direction, and an ever growing catalogue of tactics and strategies that any man facing a divorce should know.

Here are seven of my favourite tips:

#1 – Journal Everything: Become a committed to recording facts, figures and events. If you call to speak to your kids – log it. Record the date, the time, the duration and the basic theme of the conversation. Record any thoughts and observations that you had after the call. Better still…

#2 – Record Your Calls: This little gem was a real life saver. Get yourself a small digital recorder and plug it into your main phone. When you get or make a call of any importance, press record and capture the whole thing. You might think this is a little spy-versus-spy, but believe me, it saved my rear when my ex-wife said one thing and then claimed openly something completely different. The audio recording didn’t lie…

#3 – Keep Yourself Healthy: Eat as well as you can, get enough sleep and drink plenty of water. It sounds goofy, but if you are slightly dehydrated, or even a bit tired, you are not as smart as you usually are. Divorce is often times about conflict, and a good ‘attack’ will leave you reeling. If you are healthy and well rested, you stand a better chance of weathering the assault.

#4 – Remember It Does End…Eventually: Your situation is unique so I can’t tell you how long this will last, but I can tell you that it does end. It’s basic physics…

#5 – Don’t Make ‘Guilt’ Based Promises: I don’t know about you, but I felt badly when my marriage failed. Sure it takes two to make it work or fail, and I get that. But I’m human (although my Ex would likely disagree…) and it hurt. When we are in pain – especially emotional pain – we tend to make ‘silly’ promises to make ourselves feel better. Don’t do it! If you have a lawyer on your payroll, they’ll tell you basically the same thing. Emotions are expensive and can cost you more than the moment it took to make that promise.

#6 – Assume Your Ex-Wife Is Smarter Than You: This is one piece of advice that took me a while to swallow. But if you take this to heart, you’ll avoid a lot if issues. You see these tips I just shared with you… assume she knows them all and has ten more of her own and five ‘friends’ tipping her daily. Remember, the system is structured to support the women; it was built this way because historically it needed to. Today there are many men who get a raw deal because of some men’s past behaviours – remember this.

And lastly…

#7 – Keep Your Sense of Humour: They can take the house, they can take the car, they can take the kids and the dog…but they cannot take away your sense of humour. Remember, love is grand…divorce is a hundred grand.

Thank you, thank you very much… I’ll be here all week, try the veal.

James is a popular keynote speaker, published author, and management consultant. Specialties include social media, seo search, and internet marketing automation strategies for business.  View profile

How To Talk To A Man – Five Secrets Every Woman Should Know

Do you know how to talk to your man? Is your boyfriend the silent type, not telling you what he thinks or feels? When you ask him questions and try to get him to open up, does he seem to go farther away? Is he confused about what you want from him?

Talking to men can be difficult if you don’t understand how they are wired. Even if your guy is the talkative type, he still may not be good at sharing thoughts, feelings, or sentiments that are of any depth. Would you like to know the five secrets in how to talk to a man? Here are some facts that may surprise you and guide you:

1. You cannot talk to men the way you talk to other women.

Women are almost always ready to share. If you woke your girlfriend up at three in the morning to tell her the details of your fight with your boyfriend, she could tune into what you are saying in about five seconds. Conversely, if you woke your boyfriend up to tell him anything important, it would be the equivalent of a bee sting. He would be jolted, disoriented, and a little mad. He would need twenty minutes to regroup and hear what you are saying.

SECRET #1: Don’t approach men for conversation when they are not in an approach mode. Give them time and opportunity to be able to listen to you. They want to be there for you and give you what you need, but you have to understand that they need to have distractions removed, time to focus on the conversation, and a clear and defined understanding of what you want from them.

2. Men have been programmed for centuries to take care of the family.

When you take any complaint to him, even if you are only crying because your hair came out green instead of blonde, he unconsciously thinks it is his fault. If a man feels he is not taking good care of you, (and complaints are translated into thinking you are not happy with him,) he experiences tremendous physiological discomfort. He hears your problem as HIS failure. Withdrawal is his protection in these situations.

SECRET #2: Don’t misinterpret the silent male or underestimate how much you mean to him. He is highly vulnerable to you.

3. Men do not heal from emotional wounds as well as women do.

Who cares more for their lover, men or women? If you answered men do, you would be right. In general, after divorce, men re-marry sooner than women do, don’t live as long as their ex-wife does, and their suicide levels go up more. When a man sees silence in the relationship, he thinks everything is fine. However, if a woman is not talking, she is probably planning to leave. Only 50% of men in a troubled relationship know there is a problem. The rest say they never saw the breakup coming.

SECRET #3: You give meaning to your guy’s life. You matter far more to him than either of you realize. Be careful and kind with your words.

4. Men relate to other people better by doing activities with them.

Women get a chemical hit from talking. Men do not experience this rush of feeling good when they are talking to someone. They often feel that words get in the way of experiencing the moment. Men get a rush of good feelings when they are taking action or are engaged in physical activity. They also love to share activities with their favorite woman.

SECRET #4: Find at least one activity that you both have a passion for and do it together. This strengthens your bond and gives him a sense of success.

5. Men love routine.

Men take comfort in routine. To change schedules, plans, or even homes, is upsetting for him. He wants his time to be free from turmoil so he can hyper focus and concentrate on taking care of his work, and ultimately, the family.

SECRET #5: Build some loving routines together. You might think that you are both just wordlessly watching TV, while he might see that activity as part of your togetherness. Predictable patterns in your relationship keep him grounded.

The above five secrets can change the level of happiness in your relationship. Add kindness and nurturing, and if you have chosen a good guy, you will have a new best friend. This is how you talk to a man.

Visit http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)

17 Things You Must Do In Custody Court

It is your day in Custody Court. You are about to prove what a miserable person your ex is. Everything is about to go your way. Are you really sure of that?

The judge has never seen either of you before. This will hardly be the first or last custody hearing in their career. You aren’t even the reason the court is in session, it’s about the children. You have a competent attorney, but so does your ex. These next few minutes will decide the future of your children. Are you ready? This hearing will affect your children’s lives for many years. Now, are you really ready?


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Courteney Cox ‘splits with boyfriend’

Who Dat!


The Cougar Town co-stars, who play ex-spouses on the show, have been dating for about six months, although they were linked long before that.

The couple recently decided to call it quits after discovering they weren’t a good fit.

The 49-year-old is said to have confided in actress friend Isla Fisher about the failed romance.

“She told Isla that she and Brian were fighting way too much,” an insider told Star magazine.

Courteney is believed to have started seeing the 44-year-old actor during her divorce from David Arquette.

Apparently the break-up is amicable.

“There’s no hard feelings, but she wasn’t into the drama their relationship brought to the table,” the source added.

Brian recently seemed to open up about the pair’s relationship just last month.

He seemed smitten with Courteney at the time.

“Courteney’s amazing,” he smiled. “Courteney’s phenomenal.”

Courteney married David in 1999. The former couple broke up in 2010 and the divorce became final in May of this year although.

They have remained on good terms throughout the split and share a daughter, Coco.

Apparently Brian had won the nine-year-old over.

“The girl was extremely comfortable with Brian,” a witness said about a time Coco visited the Cougar Town set. “She rubbed his belly and laughed. She treated him like a dad or an uncle.”

Courteney has yet to comment on reports of the split.

© Cover Media


Gold By Kim Kardashian – What Does It Smell Like?

Gold by Kim Kardashian is the second perfume to be released by Miss Kardashian herself. Its predecessor, Kim Kardashian for Women by Kim Kardashian has remained one of the leading women’s perfumes on the market since its release back in 2009. We can safely assume that Gold will do just as well, if not even better, in terms of sales once it’s released and available for public purchase.

The idea behind Gold by Kim Kardashian is said to be inspired and created straight from the beauty herself. Gold represents the more glamorous side of Kim, and is a synonym of her high sense of fashion and style. Gold jewelry pieces compliment her and she famously wears the color both naturally and beautifully. The shimmering gold aura that follows her and her “look” are what have defined her as an international beauty. It cannot be denied that Kim Kardashian is one of the world’s most successful women to gain fame because of her gorgeous looks.

Gold by Kim Kardashian will stay true to its roots and follow the same style of packaging as the first signature Kim Kardashian scent. This time however, it has been designed and packaged with the color combination of black and soft gold. The bottle though is identical to the first and includes the signature KK logo (her initials).

“What does it smell like?

Yes, no doubt you’re wondering what does Gold by Kim Kardashian smell like? Well, seeing as it is a perfume that is released in the spring and targeted as being more of a women’s summery scent don’t expect anything too heavy. The unique combination of different ingredients lend themselves to something that is not too overpowering when worn on the skin and clothing. It is considered a scent that is defined as warm and feminine and yet has a really fun summer flare.

Gold by Kim Kardashian has been created by combining quite a variety of perfume notes including the more citrus blends of bergamot (orange scent), pink grapefruit and pink pepper. Then, some of the most popular floral feminine notes of jasmine rose petal and violet. Lastly the addition of sandalwood, creamy benzoin and amber were put in to help to keep it fresh, but still hold a nice summer spice.

For those who love to collect perfume and are going to want to add Gold by Kim Kardashian to their perfume collection, the product launches with either a 50ml or 100ml bottle of eau de parfum. Most likely within a short time period of time more and more products will become available for purchase and more affordable eau de toilettes and body lotions will be for sale.


Three Steps To Get Your Ex Back After A Breakup

If you have recently broken up with someone you might be wondering if there is a way for you to get them back. Breakups are very difficult to handle and can be devastating to both parties. It is natural for you to want to get back together with someone you care deeply about. This is especially true if you have been together for a while.

It is entirely possible for you to get your ex back. As a matter of fact, it happens a lot more than you think. Most relationships can be fixed and most marriages can be saved. The key is to approach it in the right way and take the right steps.

After a breakup it is normal for you to feel lonely, lost, afraid and disoriented. Breaking up with someone is similar to losing a loved one. The feelings of separation are so strong you feel as if a death has occurred. But before you attempt to fix the relationship you must decide if it is worth saving, if it is really what you want.

Just feeling lonely and lost are not good reasons for you to try to get back together with your ex. Emotions can sometimes hide the real causes behind the breakup. You should take the time to discover what caused the relationship to go south in the first place.

Here are three things you can do if you decide that you really do want to fix your relationship and get back with your ex.

Step One: Take some time to heal.

It is okay to take some time to be by yourself for a while. This will give your mind time to process all that has occurred and allow both you and your ex to calm down and allow the healing process to occur. Understand that you have been hurt and you need this time alone to let your wounds heal.

Many people don’t take the time to do this. After a breakup, they immediately run and jump into another relationship because they don’t want to be alone. Eventually, all they end up doing is taking all that unresolved emotional baggage from the previous relationship with them. Soon or later it will resurface and negatively affect the relationship they’re in now.

Step Two: Understand what went wrong.

This is a critical step and will naturally follow step one when you give yourself time to calm down and heal. There was a point in time when your relationship began to fall apart. There might have been red flags that you ignored that eventually caused things to go bad. It is usually the little things that occur over a long period of time that have the greatest impact on things.

Once you figure out what went wrong and how and when it occurred, you will be in a better position to figure out how to go about fixing it.

Step Three: Fools rush in.

If and when you do decide to try to get back with your ex, don’t rush things. Don’t expect things to immediately be the way they used to be. Things have changed. You and your ex have changed. Traumatic emotional experiences tend to do that to people. Feelings have been hurt. Trust has been destroyed. It will take a while to restore these things. Sometimes it will be like starting the relationship all over again. Don’t fight it. This could be a good thing. So take it slow and allow things to develop at their own pace.


Know Your Rights About Spousal Support

But before you re-watch The First Wives Club and begin your vengeful plotting, it may be a good idea to become informed as to the kind of benefits or spousal support to which you are entitled. Keep in mind that not all divorces or separations involve spousal support. In fact, current statistics state that only about 10 to 15 percent end with a spousal support judgment. The statistics change for child support, which is a different ballgame altogether. You might have thought it was the other way around, but not everyone is married to Lionel Richie.

Divorce laws vary by state, so you must first meet the residency requirements of the area in which you live. You must also have “grounds” (a legally acceptable reason) to end your marriage according to your state’s divorce laws. Once divorce papers are filed by one spouse and sent to the other, the receiving spouse, if they disagree, has the opportunity to file papers telling his/ her side. This is called “contesting the divorce.” Financial issues can often stall the process. However, property division and spousal support are sometimes settled out of court. Custody and child support may be decided as part of your divorce if not already handled in family court. For more information, check out the various websites listed below. So, what is Spousal Support?

Spousal Support is the payment or transfer of money (or assets) from one spouse to another after a divorce. You may be more familiar with the phrases “prenuptial agreement” (which may contain clauses to provide or exclude spousal support) “alimony,” or “permanent maintenance.” The laws associated with spousal support seek to prevent a divorced spouse from suffering due to a diminished standard of living. It is not unusual for one spouse to have been out of the workforce for such a significant amount of time that it would be difficult for him/ her to quickly attain a job or professional position in order to maintain his/ her standard of living after the divorce. There are other possible reasons for seeking spousal support and some are stated below. Your attorney can help you determine which, if any, apply to you. In general, The United States Supreme Court has held that both former husbands and wives are able to receive spousal support payments. It is no longer just a man seeking a way to “buy his way out of the marriage.” More information is available at www.divorcesupport.com.


A prenuptial agreement is a written contract between two people who are about to marry, setting out the terms for retention of assets, treatment of future earnings, control of property, and division of the aforementioned should the marriage end. These agreements are fairly common if either or both parties have substantial assets, children from a prior marriage, potential inheritances, or high incomes. Sometimes people shy away from prenuptial agreements, but marriage itself is a legal contract. If you have considerable assets, protecting yourself with a prenuptial agreement may be highly beneficial. If you are getting divorced and have a prenuptial agreement, bring it to your attorney for a thorough review.

Temporary Maintenance vs. Permanent Maintenance

There are two main types of spousal support that can be received at the end of a divorce: temporary maintenance and permanent maintenance. Temporary maintenance is often dispersed to a recipient in the form of Alimony. This is money paid from one spouse to another for day-to-day support of the spouse who has fewer financial resources. Sometimes alimony also can be used to pay back a debt.

On the other hand, courts can award permanent spousal support to provide money for a spouse who cannot become economically independent and/or desires or requires maintaining a lifestyle that the court considers appropriate given the resources of the parties. Common reasons for ordering permanent maintenance include advanced age, chronic illness, or inherent inability of the recipient to have “earning power” comparable to that of the more prosperous spouse. Although this form of support is termed “permanent”, the level of support can change or cease depending on the changing circumstances of either the payer or the recipient. Spousal support generally ends if the recipient remarries and may also end if the recipient lives with someone else.

The new trend of Alimony

In the past, most alimony awards provided for payments to former wives by “breadwinning” former husbands. As the American culture has changed, today most marriages include two wage earners. Women are viewed as less dependent, and men are often more likely to be primary parents. The courts and spousal support awards have kept up with the times. The tradition of men paying and women receiving spousal support is slowly retreating, and orders of alimony payments from ex-wife to ex-husband are on the rise.

A major final issue…do you need a lawyer to procure your assets?

The law does not require you to have a lawyer, but, generally speaking, it is better to have one, if at all possible, during a divorce. A lawyer has far more expertise and legal knowledge regarding the issues of child custody, child support, financial support, and division of marital property. A good lawyer can help you protect your assets while investigating those of your spouse to ensure full disclosure.

That being said, hiring a divorce lawyer can get expensive. But like many things, you could end up paying more if you are not well advised, particularly if your situation is complex. For simpler circumstances, particularly if the divorce is going amicably, you might choose to use a divorce mediator instead to avoid escalating hostilities. You can find more information at www.womenslaw.org as well as www.divorcenet.com.

Additional information

Disclaimer: Please note that I am not a lawyer and do not endorse the services of the websites and information I refer to in this article. I am NOT offering legal advice and provide these links and the material in this article for your information as a journalist ONLY.

The following links may provide helpful information about divorce and spousal support:






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4 Ways to Deal With a Breakup and Get Over it Fast

Breaking up is hard to do. It can be hard even if you are the initiator or if you are the one being dumped. Why are they so hard? First, if you are the one being dumped, the pain you feel can be enormous. Second, if you are the initiator, it’s the feeling of change that can be hard to deal with. Suddenly being alone can be difficult to deal with; leaving some to feel it will never end… the loneliness.

However, there is hope because there are ways to reduce the suffering you are feeling, allowing you to move on with life. So how can you get over a breakup? There are 4 steps to help you recover.

Step (1) Be Patient –

Have you ever heard the patience is a virtue? Well, when you are dealing with a breakup this is true. You should have patience with the feelings you have, your grief and the pain. If you want, scream, cry, pitch a fit, do what you must. However, don’t think for one minute those feelings will last. Have patience that it will pass. As time passes, you may realize that the pain, hurt and anger are gone. This allows you to face life without past baggage. In saying that, don’t rush right into a relationship after you discovered your pain has vanished. Instead, wait to find someone special and have patience that it will happen.

Step (2) Be Flexible –

Have you ever faced this scenario before: It’s a Monday and you’ve been asked by friends to go out on Friday evening? You plan all week for it and then Friday comes around, you just don’t feel like going out. Try to make plans flexible. If you can listen to what your emotions and body are telling you. Be patient in that when you are ready, you’ll get out more. A good exercise to help heal the pain is writing. Place all your emotions and feelings there.

Step (3) Give It Time –

Remember to give yourself time to get over your relationship. Some friends may tell you get out and go mingle. However, what’s actually best is to grief, cry, and be sad or angry. Feel these emotions to work through the moods. You should be out of the funk within two weeks. If it goes past that, talk with your physician about it. You could be suffering from depression. Try talking with someone who cares for you too. It helps too!

Step (4) Have Faith –

Remember that the feelings you have now do not last. You will smile again where you cry now. You’ll find someone who will make you forget your ex and make you wonder why you even cried over them in the first place. What do you need to have? Have a little faith, that is.

You know you have been hurt and NOW you need to Forget Your Ex and all those bad memories, painful experience of your ex once and for all by visiting get over your ex

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