Tag Archives: canada divorce

I Wish My Husband Would Listen to Me – Ways to Make Him More Attentive

I wish my husband would listen to me.” Obviously there isn’t a married woman anywhere who wants to hear herself saying that. It’s frustrating when your spouse always seems to ignore you. How often have you been talking to him only to realize that he hasn’t heard a word you said? Or perhaps he’s more the type that once you’ve explained to him how much you love it when he tells you what he’s feeling, he sits there silently staring at you. It’s challenging to be married to a man who doesn’t respond the way you wish he would. If you want to change that, it’s possible. You just have to know the best approach to get him to pay more attention to you.

There are a lot of feelings that come to the surface when you feel ignored within your marriage. Sadness, anger and a deep sense of frustration are just a few of them. Over time, you’re going to start resenting your husband for his lack of attention. Chances are good that he’s not going to wake up one day to magically change his behavior. That’s why you need to take action. First, you should look at your own approach to communication within the relationship and how you bring things up with your husband.

Most men will cower away when they’re faced with confrontation. Many women don’t realize that’s exactly how their husband views their conversations. If you’ve already got a chip on your shoulder because you feel your spouse is ignoring you, you may begin the conversation with a negative attitude. He’ll pick up on that and it will impact his next move. He may pull back and stop listening as a defense mechanism. He doesn’t want to engage in an argument so he avoids it completely by blocking you out.

That’s why it’s essential that you consider how you begin your conversations. You have to refrain from using an accusatory tone with your spouse. Instead, let him know what you feel and then ask his thoughts. Keep it calm and civil. Don’t jump out of the gate by pointing the finger of blame at him for what you’re feeling.

Also, timing is crucial when you talk with your husband. Some men get so absorbed in what they’re doing at any given moment that they just can’t divide their attention. If you’re talking to him when he’s watching television or doing household chores, he’s likely not going to give you his full attention. When that happens you naturally take that personally. Instead, pick a time when you two are just sitting together quietly. Early in the morning at breakfast or during dinner are both good times. Keep things relaxed and don’t try to tackle all your issues at once. Bring things up slowly and calmly and he’ll be much more attentive.

Specific things you do and say can compel your husband to appreciate and love you more. Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause him to feel even more distant from you. You can make your husband fall even deeper in love with you than when you two first married.

 

You don’t have to worry about whether your husband is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make him fall hopelessly in love with you.

3 Top Tips For 5k Beginners

Hi,

Here are some tips that I found useful when I started off running 5k’s:

1 ) Don’t attempt to much too soon

I was really bad at doing this; I’d always start off being full of enthusiasm, doing too much do too much and either injuring myself or feeling really sore the next day!

I have however learnt my lesson now (it took me long enough) so don’t fall in to the same trap that I did. When starting out your body needs time to adjust. It’s best to just go with what feels natural and don’t push yourself. The results will come in time, and the key thing is to not delay your progress by being demotivated and demoralised because you’re aching or injured.

2) Diet is important

Don’t neglect the importance of diet. Food is essentially fuel for your body. You wouldn’t put dirty petrol in to your expensive car would you? I hope not

The same thing goes for your body; It’s the only one you’ve got and it’s up to you to take care of it. I’m not advocating eating nothing but lentils and green beans as I enjoy junk food as much as anyone, but I enjoy it in moderation (but to be honest I’ve been eating to much of it lately).

So start cutting back a bit and start thinking about what fuel you are providing to your body.

3 ) Getting the truck rolling

Once I’ve taken some time off from exercising then I find it’s really hard to get motivated to start again, but after I’ve actually been doing it for a few days then I find it easy.

I’m sure you’re the same and this is down to “mental inertia”. It’s exactly the same thing as getting a boulder rolling or pushing a truck (you’ve probably seen those World’s Strongest Man competition on TV. The amount of effort that’s need to get these super heavy objects moving is enormous, but once they’re rolling it looks easy), it takes a lot of effort and energy to get started but once it’s going it’s easy to maintain the momentum.

Now, how do we get momentum? In Tim Ferriss’ latest book The 4-Hour Body (a brilliant book by the way), it talks about the experience of the Nike+ team (Nike+ is a tool for recording your running statistics, time, speed etc, which works with your iPod). By looking at the data of more than 1.2 million users, once someone exercises for 5 sessions they are massively more likely to carry on than somebody who does less than 5 sessions.

So get your running shoes on and get out there at least 5 times in the next week and half and form that positive habit.

I hope these tips help you with your goal of how to run a 5k,

All the best,

Matt

http://www.streetarticles.com/running/3-top-tips-for-5k-beginners

How To Talk To A Man – Five Secrets Every Woman Should Know

Do you know how to talk to your man? Is your boyfriend the silent type, not telling you what he thinks or feels? When you ask him questions and try to get him to open up, does he seem to go farther away? Is he confused about what you want from him?

Talking to men can be difficult if you don’t understand how they are wired. Even if your guy is the talkative type, he still may not be good at sharing thoughts, feelings, or sentiments that are of any depth. Would you like to know the five secrets in how to talk to a man? Here are some facts that may surprise you and guide you:

1. You cannot talk to men the way you talk to other women.

Women are almost always ready to share. If you woke your girlfriend up at three in the morning to tell her the details of your fight with your boyfriend, she could tune into what you are saying in about five seconds. Conversely, if you woke your boyfriend up to tell him anything important, it would be the equivalent of a bee sting. He would be jolted, disoriented, and a little mad. He would need twenty minutes to regroup and hear what you are saying.

SECRET #1: Don’t approach men for conversation when they are not in an approach mode. Give them time and opportunity to be able to listen to you. They want to be there for you and give you what you need, but you have to understand that they need to have distractions removed, time to focus on the conversation, and a clear and defined understanding of what you want from them.

2. Men have been programmed for centuries to take care of the family.

When you take any complaint to him, even if you are only crying because your hair came out green instead of blonde, he unconsciously thinks it is his fault. If a man feels he is not taking good care of you, (and complaints are translated into thinking you are not happy with him,) he experiences tremendous physiological discomfort. He hears your problem as HIS failure. Withdrawal is his protection in these situations.

SECRET #2: Don’t misinterpret the silent male or underestimate how much you mean to him. He is highly vulnerable to you.

3. Men do not heal from emotional wounds as well as women do.

Who cares more for their lover, men or women? If you answered men do, you would be right. In general, after divorce, men re-marry sooner than women do, don’t live as long as their ex-wife does, and their suicide levels go up more. When a man sees silence in the relationship, he thinks everything is fine. However, if a woman is not talking, she is probably planning to leave. Only 50% of men in a troubled relationship know there is a problem. The rest say they never saw the breakup coming.

SECRET #3: You give meaning to your guy’s life. You matter far more to him than either of you realize. Be careful and kind with your words.

4. Men relate to other people better by doing activities with them.

Women get a chemical hit from talking. Men do not experience this rush of feeling good when they are talking to someone. They often feel that words get in the way of experiencing the moment. Men get a rush of good feelings when they are taking action or are engaged in physical activity. They also love to share activities with their favorite woman.

SECRET #4: Find at least one activity that you both have a passion for and do it together. This strengthens your bond and gives him a sense of success.

5. Men love routine.

Men take comfort in routine. To change schedules, plans, or even homes, is upsetting for him. He wants his time to be free from turmoil so he can hyper focus and concentrate on taking care of his work, and ultimately, the family.

SECRET #5: Build some loving routines together. You might think that you are both just wordlessly watching TV, while he might see that activity as part of your togetherness. Predictable patterns in your relationship keep him grounded.

The above five secrets can change the level of happiness in your relationship. Add kindness and nurturing, and if you have chosen a good guy, you will have a new best friend. This is how you talk to a man.

Visit http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)

Three Steps To Get Your Ex Back After A Breakup

If you have recently broken up with someone you might be wondering if there is a way for you to get them back. Breakups are very difficult to handle and can be devastating to both parties. It is natural for you to want to get back together with someone you care deeply about. This is especially true if you have been together for a while.

It is entirely possible for you to get your ex back. As a matter of fact, it happens a lot more than you think. Most relationships can be fixed and most marriages can be saved. The key is to approach it in the right way and take the right steps.

After a breakup it is normal for you to feel lonely, lost, afraid and disoriented. Breaking up with someone is similar to losing a loved one. The feelings of separation are so strong you feel as if a death has occurred. But before you attempt to fix the relationship you must decide if it is worth saving, if it is really what you want.

Just feeling lonely and lost are not good reasons for you to try to get back together with your ex. Emotions can sometimes hide the real causes behind the breakup. You should take the time to discover what caused the relationship to go south in the first place.

Here are three things you can do if you decide that you really do want to fix your relationship and get back with your ex.

Step One: Take some time to heal.

It is okay to take some time to be by yourself for a while. This will give your mind time to process all that has occurred and allow both you and your ex to calm down and allow the healing process to occur. Understand that you have been hurt and you need this time alone to let your wounds heal.

Many people don’t take the time to do this. After a breakup, they immediately run and jump into another relationship because they don’t want to be alone. Eventually, all they end up doing is taking all that unresolved emotional baggage from the previous relationship with them. Soon or later it will resurface and negatively affect the relationship they’re in now.

Step Two: Understand what went wrong.

This is a critical step and will naturally follow step one when you give yourself time to calm down and heal. There was a point in time when your relationship began to fall apart. There might have been red flags that you ignored that eventually caused things to go bad. It is usually the little things that occur over a long period of time that have the greatest impact on things.

Once you figure out what went wrong and how and when it occurred, you will be in a better position to figure out how to go about fixing it.

Step Three: Fools rush in.

If and when you do decide to try to get back with your ex, don’t rush things. Don’t expect things to immediately be the way they used to be. Things have changed. You and your ex have changed. Traumatic emotional experiences tend to do that to people. Feelings have been hurt. Trust has been destroyed. It will take a while to restore these things. Sometimes it will be like starting the relationship all over again. Don’t fight it. This could be a good thing. So take it slow and allow things to develop at their own pace.

http://www.streetarticles.com/reconnecting/three-steps-to-get-your-ex-back-after-a-breakup

4 Ways to Deal With a Breakup and Get Over it Fast

Breaking up is hard to do. It can be hard even if you are the initiator or if you are the one being dumped. Why are they so hard? First, if you are the one being dumped, the pain you feel can be enormous. Second, if you are the initiator, it’s the feeling of change that can be hard to deal with. Suddenly being alone can be difficult to deal with; leaving some to feel it will never end… the loneliness.

However, there is hope because there are ways to reduce the suffering you are feeling, allowing you to move on with life. So how can you get over a breakup? There are 4 steps to help you recover.

Step (1) Be Patient –

Have you ever heard the patience is a virtue? Well, when you are dealing with a breakup this is true. You should have patience with the feelings you have, your grief and the pain. If you want, scream, cry, pitch a fit, do what you must. However, don’t think for one minute those feelings will last. Have patience that it will pass. As time passes, you may realize that the pain, hurt and anger are gone. This allows you to face life without past baggage. In saying that, don’t rush right into a relationship after you discovered your pain has vanished. Instead, wait to find someone special and have patience that it will happen.

Step (2) Be Flexible –

Have you ever faced this scenario before: It’s a Monday and you’ve been asked by friends to go out on Friday evening? You plan all week for it and then Friday comes around, you just don’t feel like going out. Try to make plans flexible. If you can listen to what your emotions and body are telling you. Be patient in that when you are ready, you’ll get out more. A good exercise to help heal the pain is writing. Place all your emotions and feelings there.

Step (3) Give It Time –

Remember to give yourself time to get over your relationship. Some friends may tell you get out and go mingle. However, what’s actually best is to grief, cry, and be sad or angry. Feel these emotions to work through the moods. You should be out of the funk within two weeks. If it goes past that, talk with your physician about it. You could be suffering from depression. Try talking with someone who cares for you too. It helps too!

Step (4) Have Faith –

Remember that the feelings you have now do not last. You will smile again where you cry now. You’ll find someone who will make you forget your ex and make you wonder why you even cried over them in the first place. What do you need to have? Have a little faith, that is.

You know you have been hurt and NOW you need to Forget Your Ex and all those bad memories, painful experience of your ex once and for all by visiting get over your ex

How Do I Move On After My Divorce?

It’s been a little while since your divorce was final. You keep hearing from friends and family that it’s time to move on. They mean well. You just don’t think you’re ready to do it. There are too many unresolved feelings going on inside of you right now and you still aren’t sure you’re ready to give up on the dreams you had for your marriage. In your heart and in your head your marriage just isn’t over yet no matter what the divorce papers in your hand might say. How do you move on after my divorce when you’re just not ready to let go?

It happens all the time. In most divorces there is usually one person who didn’t want things to end just yet. That’s the way it happens in almost every relationship ending. A lot of times, marriages could have easily been salvaged with a little time and trying but once lawyers get involved there is a lot of ill will that is created and then driven at breakneck speeds towards the finish lines known as divorce courts. What you need to know though is that divorce court doesn’t have to be the finish line for your marriage. It’s not too late to save your marriage even if it feels like it is.

Of course, there are things you can do, if you are determined to move on after your divorce. You may want your marriage back in your heart but believe in your mind that it’s water under the bridge. If that’s the case for you, you need to get out, about, and active. Your best chances for moving on after a divorce involve meeting someone else or learning to love being with yourself. Humans are social creatures though so if you aren’t looking for ways to get your ex back then you need to find a way to fill up the hours you would have otherwise spent with your ex.

But if you do want to work to resurrect your marriage from the ashes of divorce, it isn’t too late. Even after the lawyers got to you both and had you hurling some pretty hurtful accusations and insinuations in all directions it’s STILL possible to save your marriage after divorce.

You just need to spend a little time coming up with a game plan that is designed to make your relationship work this time around and eliminate a lot of the finger pointing that might have been present in your relationship before. Forgiveness is key though whether you decided to move on after your divorce or you want to get your husband back and work things out.

http://www.streetarticles.com/divorce/how-do-i-move-on-after-my-divorce

How Can I Get My Ex Girlfriend Back – She Is Telling Me She Needs Some Space

How can I get my ex girlfriend back when she needs space? Probably the biggest question guys ask themselves, especially with women-led breakups, because most involve something to do with needing more space. If she is telling you she needs more space in the relationship, she is indirectly telling you she is unhappy with the relationship. This is a common answer given during a breakup, and is usually used to avoid speaking about what is really going on.

When a girl, unfortunately, says she wants space and decides to end the relationship, she is often saying she does not want to be with you, and really does not want to expend the effort to help you understand whats going on in her mind.

Something is usually wrong in the relationship when a woman asks for space. Rather than help you figure out the issues and get the relationship back on track, they would rather walk. If you ever find yourself asking “how can I get my ex girlfriend back when she needs space?”, this is a positive indication that you want to make things better in the relationship and that you still have hope.

It is a pretty clear cut indication that the communication between you has broken down if she needs space. You need to get into her mind and find out what is really bothering her, if you sincerely want to get the relationship working again. Often, this becomes difficult because for whatever reason, she has shut you out, but if you persist you will figure it out. With so many guys asking “how can I get my ex girlfriend back when she needs space?”, it appears to be a common phenomenon and it does have a solution.

If you are trying to rekindle your relationship with your ex girlfriend who is telling you she needs space, just find a way to communicate with her. She will often just be using the needing space story to let you know something is wrong with your relationship with her, and if she will not talk about it, it has to be addressed eventually. Just give her gentle hints you want to still be with her.

Just simply offer to remain a friend and offer companionship, and see how she responds to that. Do not force yourself on her. When she gets comfortable with this friendship, just start slightly inquiring about what went wrong in the relationship, subtle hints are all you need in your conversation with her to find out.

She will open up on her own time, when she is good and ready. Never rush or force things, just use a slow and easy approach and let her find the best way to say what happened. Once the issues are exposed, this gives you the opportunity to resolve them and you get your ex girlfriend back.

http://www.streetarticles.com/relationships/how-can-i-get-my-ex-girlfriend-back-she-is-telling-me-she-needs-some-space

How to Deal with a Break up

Coping with a permanent break-up can be difficult, especially if you are the one getting booted out of the door, but there are a number of practical and easy steps to dealing with the situation in such a way as to minimise the emotional damage you sustain. This advice is more for teenage to mid twenties romantic situations, the sort of relationships that might have lasted for say a couple of years but have broken down and seem like the end of the world to those involved.

These steps are to be thought about when you have had a chance to cool down and divorce yourself from the emotionality of the situation. Try and think about them objectively, and be honest with yourself, as if your not then you are just going to open the door to a lot more pain for yourself.

Firstly sit down and ask yourself, Will I ever get back together with her?

This is a pivotal question, and you have to divorce from it what you want as obviously such a call is not up to you. You have to consider the situation surrounding the break-up and the likely-hood of a change of mind.

If you think so then stop reading and do what you need to do to try and get her back. If that fails then come back and carry on reading

If however, you see that the writing was on the wall for a while and chances are such a reconciliation isn’t really on the cards then you have to consider your options and what is going to work best for you.

Ask yourself Will I maintain a cordial relationship with this person?

This relates to whether you have the ability of the easier option, which is a nice clean and final break, no traces, I’m talking the blocking of facebook friends, removal of photo’s and mementos and no phone-calls or texts. It really makes getting over someone easier if you don’t have to ever see or hear from them again. Do you really want to see the pictures of her getting with some other guy last night on facebook? Or find yourself texting her begging for a second chance when you’ve had a few on Saturday night?

A lot of the time however that simply isn’t an option, either because you share a friendship group, work with them, go to university or school with them or simply don’t want to sacrifice them completely from your life. This is the situation where getting over someone becomes most difficult.

I cannot stress enough at this point that space and time are healers, so in the immediate aftermath of relationship meltdown minimise your contact with the ex. If it’s a lost cause leave it like that, don’t torment yourself by hanging around what could have been. You may have the noblest intentions in the world of being friends but I guarantee so long as the vestiges of the love, affection, affinity whatever you wish to call what you had together are still in your system you will never be friends in the real sense of the word.

You will be hanging around hoping that she will change her mind and feeling nothing but despair when she moves on like you should have but were too busy being a good friend.

A note on rebounds

Rebounds occur when you enter into a semi-relationship with someone even though you are definitely not over the ex girlfriend. They can be anything from a one night stand to a full on new relationship.

These can serve as therapy, they make you feel attractive, they boost self esteem and silence any doubts you might have had following the break up (sort of the why oh why did she dump me? Questions), however keep perspective, these relationships are entirely hollow until you can honestly say the ex is out of your mind and you no longer get a thrill when she talks to you or want to help her out when she’s in trouble. Remember your messing with someone else’s feelings when you rebound, just because you have been dumped doesn’t mean you can act like a jerk. If you can rebound with a girl who knows the lay of the land and is just looking for a pleasant diversion good stuff! Rebound away! Avoid however dragging someone along only to run roughshod over their feelings as you don’t want to be hypocritical and make another feel what you have experienced do you?

Acceptance and/or Replacement

This occurs when enough time has passed so that you no longer look back and think what if? When you can see her and her new boyfriend together and not feel jealousy. When you can emotionally connect with another girl without thinking about the ex.

This simply put is where you want to be. This is the point when normal relations can reassert themselves, when you CAN actually be friends with the girl who emotionally wrecked you. How long this takes depends on the individual and the depth of feelings involved, but a real replacement (rather than a rebound) can really speed the process.

A replacement involves taking everything you had with the ex and matching it or improving on it with the new girl; I’m talking looks, personality, chemistry the whole package. She has to be so good that you aren’t even comparing her with the ex because you’re busy marvelling how lucky you are to have a second chance with somebody better. There is no hint of that vague regret you had with the rebounds because it wasn’t your ex, this is the real deal.

If you get this girl there is no looking back because she is the future and that is what differentiates her from a rebound.

So basically these are my personal tips for relationship breakdown management, I hope you find them helpful, and I wish you good luck in moving on with your life!

 

http://www.helium.com/items/1523916-how-to-deal-with-a-break-up

Relationship Advice – A Guide for Men Getting Over Divorce

There is no question men and women often respond differently to the breakup of a relationship. There is no uniform way for all men and all women to react after a relationship is over. Everyone is different, just like every relationship is different.

The first thing a man needs to acknowledge after a divorce is that he needs to take some time to grieve. Men can be prone to trying to hide or ignore their emotions in many cases. This is not a time to do this. While you don’t have to outwardly tell everyone how upset you are, you need to take the proper amount of time to feel the sadness and grief over losing such an important relationship in your life. No one wants to fail at marriage, so it’s very normal for you to have feelings of mourning.

One big thing to remember after a divorce is you should not jump right back into the dating world. First of all, you need some time to get used to being alone so you can figure out who you are without a partner. Secondly, if you jump right back into dating, then that means you are going to be taking with you some serious baggage from the dissolution of your marriage. That’s not fair to a new partner who will have to be there as you continue to work through the grief and problems.

Once you do decide to start dating again, don’t immediately jump back into a relationship. It might be very tempting as it can get lonely being on your own, but you need to play the field and meet many different people so you can figure out what type of woman you’re looking for. This is especially true if you feel like your ability to choose the right female in your life has been incorrect. Making major decisions just after a divorce is not a good idea. Plus, many of the women you will be dating have probably also gone through a divorce and need adequate time to adjust as well.

One final thought is it is best if you don’t make your entire life revolve around dating and finding a new mate. Instead, figure out what you like to do, and enjoy those things more. If you want to go fishing with your pals, take the time to do that instead of being so focused on finding someone to replace your lost love.

What emotions are at the heart of any problems you are experiencing with the breakup of your relationship? Do you see the part you played in it coming to an end?

For nearly 25 years Beverleigh Piepers has searched for and found the principles to help you get to the root causes of your crisis.

The solution is not in the endless volumes of information you find across the internet, or the advice your friends give… it’s in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.

Smith Barlay has a wild passion of IT, especially IT Certifications, IT Exams, Internet, Searchengine Optimization techniques and Social Media.

What Should You Do To Save Your Relationship After The Affair?

If you’re the cheated on spouse in a marriage that has been torn apart by infidelity, you’re probably spending a lot of time trying to figure out what you should do after the affair has been exposed. There are no easy answers. To some extent, every spouse in this situation will have to work this out for themselves.

Learning how to cope with a cheating spouse and how to try to rebuild a marriage after an affair is going to test your patience and your fortitude. There are a few things, however, that will help you move forward with your life though. Do these things so you can get back on with the business of living and stop dwelling on what has happened, it’s all in the past and it cannot be undone.

Take care of your pain first

As the cheated on spouse you need to take steps to build a firm internal foundation before you even begin to think about rebuilding a firm foundation in your marriage. That means learning how to effectively manage all of those negative thoughts and emotions, images of the affair, and self-doubts that are now tormenting you. Only when you have regained some semblance of internal peace will you be able to tackle the other problems in your marriage.

Begin working and healing together as a couple

Understandably you probably have a lot of anger toward your spouse, but even so, you need to work on effectively communicating with him or her. After the affair, communicating with your spouse will prove to be quite challenging. After all, emotions are raw and running high, so it will take a lot of effort on the part of both you and your spouse to work together on your communication skills.

Rebuilding the foundation of your marriage

When you and your spouse start communicating in a positive manner instead of angry outbursts and fault finding, then you are ready to begin recreating a stronger foundation for your marriage. Alas, this is no easy journey. It will take time and commitment to the work, not just time alone to overcome the obstacles standing in your way long after the affair is over.

source

« Older Entries