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Most Frequent Reasons for Divorce Today

There are usually several factors in what caused a divorce. Every situation is different of course, but most divorces have something to do with the below factors.

There are usually several factors in what caused a divorce. Every situation is different of course, but most divorces have something to do with the below factors.

Communication

When two people spend every day of their lives together, they will have disagreements and differences of opinion. That is without question. The problem comes in when the spouses cannot communicate effectively about their problems. If you have a tendency to ignore the problem and not discuss the situation openly and honestly without blame, this could cause big problems down the road. It is a good idea early in your relationship to learn to talk to each others about problems in the relationship, without assigning blame or being accusatory. As soon as one person starts levying blame, defenses go up and arguments begin.

Finances

Money may or may not be the root of all evil, but it’s the root of many a divorce! One big problem can arise if one partner likes to save more money, and the other likes to spend it as it comes in. It can be very difficult to set financial priorities with a partner who has such a fundamental different view of the situation. This disagreement can lead to situations where one spouse spends money without telling the other. Another problem can be when the husband loses his job or loses hours, and they no longer have the income to afford things that they once did. This can cause a great deal of unhappiness and stress, particularly if one of the partners enjoys spending money more than saving. It always is a good idea early in a relationship to understand how the other partner views finances and how much money they think should be saved from the income of the household every month. If you can get to the point where you agree on most financial matters, you are much less likely to fight about money, and this can reduce the likelihood of divorce.

Infidelity

It seems rather obvious that sleeping with someone else is going to drive divorce rates! Some marriages can survive infidelity, but it is very often a primary reason for divorce. If you want to stay married, you are far better off fantasizing from time to time, and not actually carrying through with your thoughts.

Unrealistic Expectations

Early in a relationship it is very common to see the other person as a perfect creature with no faults. This is of course not the case. If you go into a marriage expecting your spouse to be perfect and never upset and disappoint you, you are headed for a world of disillusionment. Some partners in a marriage may have expectations of their partner that are impossible to satisfy. For example, a man who had a very unhappy childhood and young adulthood might think that getting married will solve his problems and the spouse will lead him to perfect happiness. This will never actually work out in reality, and the man could become deeply angry and disappointed at his partner for letting him down. This disappointment comes from having expectations for the marriage that are impossible to realize. It is a very strong indicator that a divorce is coming down the pike.

We hope that by recognizing these common causes of divorce, you can make changes to your relationship and avoid this unhappy outcome.

www.EphraimLaw.com (http://www.ephraimlaw.com) is the leading attorney for fast divorce Virginia (http://www.ephraimlaw.com/1weekdivorce/).

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Divorce and Money Topic #2 – Divorce is here – Now what do I do?

Divorce is here – Now what do I do?

(If you are divorced, please share your thoughts about divorce and money)

I won’t pretend to know know what you went through

In my last topic, “Divorce and Money Topic #1 – Divorce is coming – what to do?â€Â I offered some advices for preparing for a divorce. I will now focus on things you can do to improve your financial life.  Let me review some points I made in my last post:

Before the divorce:

  • Have separate checking accounts
  • Re-title joint possessions into individual ownership.  Sell some if you owe lots of money.
  • Build up full emergency fund of $10K to $15K
  • Change beneficiary names for various documents
  • Prepare this year’s tax

After the divorce is final:

  • Don’t medicate all this pain you’re going through with spending
  • Negotiate the division of COMBINED retirement fund, social security income, taxable assets and equities
  • DON’T make any LARGE purchases for 6 months
  • Keep the four walls intact: Food, shelter, utilities, and transportation
  • Start a budget and stick to it

Starting your new financial life as a divorced person: Once you are on your own, you really have no choice but to become more independent and smarter about money.  There is no money fairy that will fix your financial problem or make you smarter by the day. 

  • Believe that you have a value in the workplace with your skill set and educational background
  • Make a plan to reduce your monthly expense and to increase your income.  This may require you to add new skills or license under your belt. 
  • Read a self-help book or non-fiction book a month to improve your mindset as well as to think outside the box
  • Find an accountability partner (not a shopping partner) to verify that you are sticking to your own set of goals and keep you on the right track

After a divorce, unless you have a few million dollars in your bank account, you may want to follow these guidelines – if you are not using them already:

  • Learn to live below your means
  • Don’t create new debt (cut up all credit cards and replace them with one debit card)
  • Become debt-free as soon as you ca, (if you’re not there already)
  • Save up and pay cash for things
  • Keep sufficient emergency fund at all times (3 to 6 months in expenses)

There are many good educational books available at your public library and online.  Here are few useful resource links:

Next post will cover divorce with minor chidren

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