Tag Archives: phone calls

Ending an Affair with a Psychopath

This article is about how to end an affair with a psycho without losing limbs, having your house firebombed, having to join the Foreign Legion, and preferably without your spouse finding out about the affair at all.

Hopefully, if you realize that the other person is a psycho, you’ve limited the information they have about you. Preferably they don’t know your real last name, or where you work, but unless you’re dealing with a lower-tier psychopath, that probably isn’t true.

Any psycho worthy of the title probably has access to your bank and mortgage information, multiple copies of your identification, and has taken copious notes about every aspect of your life that can be found on Google – which is just about everything there is to know about you.

With that being said, what we’re looking at is the most effective way of limiting the damage done. You’re not going to eliminate it, but you can at least confine it a little.

The first step is you’re going to want to make sure you retrieve anything of yours from their place. Make extra sure to check all hairbrushes and the drains for anything with DNA on it (or that they can make a voodoo doll out of – I don’t really believe in that stuff, but better to be safe than sorry). You want to do this as inconspicuously as possible, of course.

You also want to change all your passwords – every single last one. Use a long password with both upper and lowercase letters and lots of numbers. Make it impossible to guess. I suggest you also find some excuse to change the locks at your home as well – even a minimally trained psycho will have made copies of all your keys.

Another good idea is to find some excuse to switch your cellphone carrier (and your number). I would suggest thoroughly breaking your phone and then telling your spouse something along the lines of ‘I’ve had nothing but problems with those guys, I’m going to switch companies.’ This is something you probably want to do shortly after the breakup.

As far as the actual breaking up part, you can either go with a public place – with lots of witnesses, to lower the risk of immediate and significant bodily harm being inflicted upon you – or you can go with a private place, and perhaps run the risk of being maimed (or worse). The choice is yours, but I’d personally just bring a gun, taser, pepper spray, and a well-trained pit bull, and do it in private. You probably want to invest in a bulletproof vest as well.

A great tip is to schedule your family vacation for right after your breakup. This way, it gives you a chance to set some things up so the barrage of hate-mail, severed fingers, and phone calls can be cleaned up in your absence by a trusted friend.

The preventative steps have mostly been taken, the only thing remaining is the actual break up.

There is no way around this part – you have to do it, and you have to be completely blunt. I don’t know if they teach these people to invariably deny a breakup in psycho school, but they will almost always ignore any but the clearest and most blunt statements when a breakup is involved.

You have to flat-out tell them – ‘Look, we can’t do this anymore, we need to stop seeing each other, I have three weeks to live and I don’t want to spend them with you.’ Or something equally forceful. They will thing you’re kidding otherwise, or twist your words and draw out of them what they want to hear. So you have to be straightforward and to the point. And then you need to get out of there – quickly.

After the breakup, it might take them an hour or two to absorb the information. Some psychos are more quick-witted than others, but you have to plan for the worst-case scenario and get out of there as fast as possible.

Ideally you were able to setup the family vacation concept, so you can get some space between you and your stalker, but if you didn’t, this will truly be the most difficult part.

You’re going to be faced with a barrage of emails, hate-mail, and phone calls. Unless your spouse is as dumb as a stump, they’re probably going to catch on at this point. This is where you’re going to have to get creative.

You’re probably going to have to frame them for murder. Note: while I don’t really recommend killing someone and framing someone else for having done it, desperate times call for desperate measures. If you really have to do this, make sure it’s someone really really annoying – like anyone that’s been on a reality show, Carrot-Top, or a really bad tipper.

In order to do this really effectively, you probably want the police to be able to uncover all sorts of drugs and illegal weapons from the psycho’s place, as well as death threats, copies of the anarchist cook-book, a serial-killer article scrapbook, and miscellaneous other related items.

You want even a Barney Fife type to know they are dealing with a completely deranged psycho here, so they never bother investigating further. You want them to just take your stalker, stick them in a straight-jacket and slap them in a padded room for the next 40 or fifty years.

The details, unfortunately, I’ll have to leave to you for legal reasons. Besides, I’ve given you so much incredibly valuable information already that you can surely pull this off. At the very worst, even if you don’t manage to frame them properly, and you get locked up instead, you’ll be safe from them, so the problem is solved either way. Who knows, you might end up in a nice comfortable cell with a great new friend to keep you warm at night.


Breaking Up Tips

Break up tips

If you are going through a break up, it can often be an overwhelming feeling that you simply cannot control. For years people have been falling deeply in love and then falling out of love because of the fact that some people simply do not get along. The fact that some relationships just don’t work will cause people to inevitably suffer heartbreak from relationships and though there are some common break up tips out there, most people still don’t know how they can possibly survive a break up.

The initial shock from the break up can easily cause you to feel like the world has ended and that you simply cannot go on with your life. For the past months or years, you have spent countless hours talking to and seeing this person on a daily basis and once all that has changed, you will start to feel helpless. Your daily phone calls, messages and routines will abruptly change, and this is the reason why people feel so lost.

The solution however is to start making new phone calls, new messages and new routines to help replace what disappeared. As hard as this may seem, it will take some patience to be able to get through this horrible stage. As much as possible, avoid looking for temporary solutions like alcohol, drugs or a person that you would date just to get over your ex. The real solution is to work on yourself and to really improve on the things that you missed out on during your relationship. As much as people want to not admit it, a relationship will always take away from the time that you could have had for something else. Whether it is time for your job, family or even your body, you will most likely see a part of your life go down hill during the relationship.

Make sure you start to work on and focus on things like working out or finding a better job. Though these may seem like basic things, it is always best to just focus on yourself for now so that you will be able to be ready for your next relationship. Do not get into a new relationship right away as you are not yet ready to take the risk. You need to build on and improve from what you were before and then you must look for someone that will accept you for who you are. A break up can be very traumatizing but remember that it is not the end of the world. Focus on being able to really improve on yourself and to reflect on what you did wrong in the relationship so that you will be able to know what you need to do in your next one.

Relationships are very special to people but break ups are the worst things that can possibly happen to a couple. As long as you take these break up tips seriously, you will be able to move on and finally love again.