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Three Steps To Get Your Ex Back After A Breakup

If you have recently broken up with someone you might be wondering if there is a way for you to get them back. Breakups are very difficult to handle and can be devastating to both parties. It is natural for you to want to get back together with someone you care deeply about. This is especially true if you have been together for a while.

It is entirely possible for you to get your ex back. As a matter of fact, it happens a lot more than you think. Most relationships can be fixed and most marriages can be saved. The key is to approach it in the right way and take the right steps.

After a breakup it is normal for you to feel lonely, lost, afraid and disoriented. Breaking up with someone is similar to losing a loved one. The feelings of separation are so strong you feel as if a death has occurred. But before you attempt to fix the relationship you must decide if it is worth saving, if it is really what you want.

Just feeling lonely and lost are not good reasons for you to try to get back together with your ex. Emotions can sometimes hide the real causes behind the breakup. You should take the time to discover what caused the relationship to go south in the first place.

Here are three things you can do if you decide that you really do want to fix your relationship and get back with your ex.

Step One: Take some time to heal.

It is okay to take some time to be by yourself for a while. This will give your mind time to process all that has occurred and allow both you and your ex to calm down and allow the healing process to occur. Understand that you have been hurt and you need this time alone to let your wounds heal.

Many people don’t take the time to do this. After a breakup, they immediately run and jump into another relationship because they don’t want to be alone. Eventually, all they end up doing is taking all that unresolved emotional baggage from the previous relationship with them. Soon or later it will resurface and negatively affect the relationship they’re in now.

Step Two: Understand what went wrong.

This is a critical step and will naturally follow step one when you give yourself time to calm down and heal. There was a point in time when your relationship began to fall apart. There might have been red flags that you ignored that eventually caused things to go bad. It is usually the little things that occur over a long period of time that have the greatest impact on things.

Once you figure out what went wrong and how and when it occurred, you will be in a better position to figure out how to go about fixing it.

Step Three: Fools rush in.

If and when you do decide to try to get back with your ex, don’t rush things. Don’t expect things to immediately be the way they used to be. Things have changed. You and your ex have changed. Traumatic emotional experiences tend to do that to people. Feelings have been hurt. Trust has been destroyed. It will take a while to restore these things. Sometimes it will be like starting the relationship all over again. Don’t fight it. This could be a good thing. So take it slow and allow things to develop at their own pace.


How Can I Get Back With My Ex Girlfriend

When relationships end all of a sudden, typically one or both involved will still doubt that the relationship is really over, especially if the relationship is in its early stages. Accepting that their girlfriend is really gone is something that men sometimes simply cannot do. They live hoping that they will wake up to their girlfriends face the next morning. If you are asking yourself “how can i get back with my ex girlfriend”, you need to start by coming up with a strategy regarding how you are going to do this.

There are multiple steps you must take if you want to successfully get back with your ex girlfriend. I am going to provide some tips that will be useful during this process.

First of all you need to realise that if you play your cards right, you can get a second chance. Getting back with your ex girlfriend is not impossible. First of all, you want really think about if you want her back, do you still love her? Do you still want her to be a significant part of your life? Will things be better than they are now if you get back together? Do you want her back for self-orientated reasons? Is getting back with you ex girlfriend in her best interests? Think about these things and make sure you do really want her back, and for the right reasons.

Even though the only thing running through your mind all day every day is “how can i get back with my ex girlfriend”, do not let her know this. In other words, do not let her see that you are desperate. It is completely understandable to want her back more than anything else, just don’t let her know it. Try talking to friends or family to let some of your emotions out. Don’t unleash them upon her. And most importantly, don’t turn into a stalker!

Let your emotions out in a healthy way, learn to control them. Don’t spend all of your time feeling sorry for yourself. Think about getting her back, not how bad you feel. If you show her how badly this has affected you she will most likely see you as weak and this will only reinforce her decision to be single even more.

Try to stay in touch with your ex. Before I go any further with this do not use this as an excuse to talk to her minute of every day. This will damage your chances massively, just try to keep means of communication open (you don’t even have to start the conversation). Don’t try to contact her every day, but you should by no means avoid her. Preferably you should discuss things other than your relationship. Just be casual.

Figure out what it was that went wrong with the relationship. There would have been a problem that led her to break up with, try to find out what that problem was and work on setting those things right so they can be avoided.

Most importantly, have a plan to get your ex girlfriend back, this will benefit you in the long run. Do not simply improvise and hope that things will work out, you will only damage your chances of getting her back even more. If you follow the above tip you won’t be asking “how can I get back with my ex girlfriend” for much longer.


Get Custody of Your Pet in a Divorce

Unlike children, pets are considered property by the U.S. judicial system, so when you get a divorce the pets are thrown in with the furniture, the microwave oven and the above-ground Jacuzzi. Getting custody of your pet in a divorce might be challenging if there is a major dispute, so here are a few tips to give you the edge.

Get Custody of Your Pet in a Divorce: When Was the Pet Purchased?

In most cases, pets who were purchased before the marriage will be retained by the partner who bought it. If you were the one to bring the pet into the marriage, then you will probably leave with it. In most cases, however, the pet was acquired during the marriage, which means that other factors will come into play.

Get Custody of Your Pet in a Divorce: Where Will the Children Live?

Courts tend to place pets in the same residence where the children will live because kids form bonds with their pets from day one. If the children will be residing with you, then you have a better chance of getting custody of the pets. Be able to demonstrate a close bond between your animals and your children in order to win the sympathy of the courts.

Get Custody of Your Pet in a Divorce: What Does Your Ex Want?

If possible, settle the pet custody dispute outside of court by talking with your ex. If he or she is amenable to the idea of letting you have custody, then you don’t have a problem. Explain that you really would enjoy having the pets, and that you’d be happy to allow visitation if that is an option.

Get Custody of Your Pet in a Divorce: Who Took Care of the Pet?

If you were the main person to care for the pet in your home, then you will have a better chance of retaining custody. Were you the one to feed the pets? Take them to the vet? Walk them in the evenings? The adult with the most responsibility concerning the pets will have the greater advantage.

Get Custody of Your Pet in a Divorce: Are the Pets Show-Quality?

If you have pets that are show-quality animals and you use them for income, such as in competition or for breeding, then you might be able to get custody, but you might also have to split any future income with your ex. If you have pictures of you showing the animal, or if you have records that you’ve spent money on competitions, then make sure those evidentiary documents are produced in court.

Get Custody of Your Pet in a Divorce: Do You Have Adequate Resources?

You might also have to show the court that you are physically able to care for the pets. Is your home large enough? Do you have a fenced backyard? Do you earn enough money to purchase food and take it to the vet? These factors are important, so make sure you can demonstrate your ability to meet those demands.

Steve is a full-time freelance writer. In addition to the more than 3,000 articles he s written for AC, he has also written articles and other materials for more than 100 happy clients. He enjoys writing abo…  View profile

Dealing With Breakups And How To Get Him Back

It can be extremely trying and difficult when you have to deal with a breakup. Even so, there will be a few hardy souls, undaunted by the pain, who will want to discover how to get that ‘someone’ back. You are going to need to know what options are available to you when dealing with a breakup. The foremost thought going through your mind after breaking up…how to get him back? If that is the case, and you are looking for ways of getting him back, then you should seriously think over all possible options.

Why Do You Want Him Back?

Seriously, you have just broke up with him, why do you want him back? The majority of people want their ex boyfriend back because, to them, a relationship provides stability. If this is your only reason for wanting him back, rethink the decision you are about to make. When you are having to deal with a breakup, this is an very important question you should be asking yourself. At this moment, how to get him back, may not be the most appropriate question to be asking or thinking.

Do You Want Him Back?

You need to be taking a long hard look at the relationship that just broke apart. In the first place, why did you both breakup with each other? How are you feeling, good and/or bad, about him? I mean was he a good boyfriend, who genuinely cared about you? We tend to only thing of the good stuff that happened after a breakup, because we are sad and miss the relationship. We really need to step back and look at all that was happening in the relationship, including the bad moments.

Does He Want You Back?

Are you considering how he thinks about the situation? Is taking you back, even a possibility? Boys are boys and some will not want to be bothered rebuilding the relationship, whereas, others will be open to the idea. If you want him back, try to think about thinks through his perspective. If after thinking for awhile, you feel he might be open to getting back together, go for it. If, on the other hand you think he will not think its feasible to rebuild the relationship, move on with life.

Put some serious thought into all these questions about the relationship and the breakup. Do your thinking before you attempt to get him back. Your boyfriend must be open to the idea of taking you back as well. If he is not open to getting back with you, why even bother wasting time on him?

After all this thinking and soul searching, you mat come to the conclusion you want the stability of having a steady relationship and the comfort it provides. And it may not be with the boyfriend you thought you wanted back. It is a waste of life trying to figure out how to get him back and attempting to win someone back you do not even want to be with any longer.


What Should A Wife Do When Her Husband’s Saying He No Longer Wants The Marriage?

I often hear from wives who are reeling from their husband’s recent assertion that he no longer wants to be married. The wives often know that they are at a point where they must behave and measure their actions and responses very carefully. Because quite often, they want to remain married. And they want to change their husband’s mind.

I heard from a wife who said: “last night, my husband followed me to our bedroom after I put our kids to bed. He said that he had something important to discuss with me. He very calmly told me that he had decided that he no longer wanted to be married. He said that our marriage was no longer working for him because he felt stuck, tied down, and unhappy. He indicated that he wasn’t sure how he was going to proceed or if he was going to file for divorce immediately. So I asked him why he would tell me this if he didn’t even have a plan. He said that he just felt that I had the right to know. And that he wanted to get it off of his chest. What in the world do I do now? I have two little girls who need their daddy. And I still love my husband and want to save my marriage.”

My heart really want out to this wife. I know exactly how she felt because I have been there myself. I was on the same side of this scenario when my own husband told me that he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore and was leaving. So, I completely understand the fear and panic that these words can cause. However, I am still married today. So my husband’s wishes never came to fruition because I was able to avoid a divorce. I made many mistakes in the beginning, but I learned quickly. And I firmly believe that there is a right and a wrong way to respond when you hear words like this. I will explain what I think are the right things that you should be doing right now in the following article.

Do Not Panic Or Show Your Fear:Â It’s truly not uncommon for men to say things like this in anger, in frustration, or in search of some sort of reaction. I couldn’t tell this wife if her husband was being completely truthful, but I could tell her that it’s not unheard of for husbands to just to throw this phrase out there to see what will happen when they do. And this is more likely when the man hasn’t taken any action or doesn’t have a plan, as was the case here. That’s why it’s so important not to panic or to let your fear be in the driver’s seat. As difficult as remaining calm might be, know that this calm is going to give you the best chance of success and is the strategy that is going to help you to keep this situation from getting out of hand.

Ask Him If He Would Consider An Alternative:Â Once you are able to establish a calm and measured response, chose a time when he might be more receptive to you and ask him if he might consider trying something to make the situation better. Don’t use words like “divorce” or “separation” unless he uses them first. Instead, offer him alternatives that might help you both become more happy in your marriage. A suggested script might be something like: “I’m sorry that you’re not happy right now. We both deserve to have the marriage and the life that makes us happy and I would be more than willing to work with you to explore ways that we might both be more content. I’m not sure what you would be comfortable with, but I’d be happy to go to counseling or even to just work with and listen to you to determine where our marriage is falling short for you. Our kids deserve a happy household. I want that more than anything and I’m willing to work endlessly to achieve it. Would you allow us that opportunity? If it doesn’t work, you can always reevaluate later. But I don’t see any harm in trying to save our marriage and our family. What do you think?”

Know that he may not commit or agree right away. He might ask for some time to think about it and he may even pursue some time away. But always try to keep this in perspective. As long as a divorce has not yet been finalized, you are still in the game. You can still fight for your marriage. So remain calm and have patience. Know that sometimes, the time that he is requesting can work in your favor.

Make Sure You Always Approach Him With A Spirit Of Cooperation:Â I can not stress how important this is. Many wives will try to very strongly talk their husband out of this by pointing out where he’s being selfish or is just plain wrong. You also do not want to assure him that you are happy so you have no idea what his problem is. There could not be a worse approach. You want for him to know that you are a team and that you are on his side. If he’s not happy, that means that you are not happy and you want to work with him to make things better. Always make it clear that you are on side and that you want to help him. Because the second you put yourself on opposing sides, that’s when the tide may turn. You don’t want him to see you as his enemy. You want for him to see you as his partner who wants to help him if he would just give her the chance.

I will admit that my marriage suffered horribly when I did not understand these concepts.  In fact, we almost divorced until, in one last ditch effort, I completely changed strategies and found one that worked.  If it helps, you can read all about it on out on my blog at  http://isavedmymarriage.com

Leslie Cane is the webmaster of “I Saved My Marriage” at http://isavedmymarriage.com

You can read more of her articles at http://lesliecanearticles.com/

Seven Golden Rules For Separating Parents

The turmoil children go through when their parents are separating is unmeasurable. Not only are they facing the prospect of everything they’ve ever known being ripped apart, but they often question their own role in the break-up. Ever watched a movie or television program where a child thinks she must have done something wrong to cause her parents to separate? There’s a reason that storylines like these are often featured – it’s because it happens. Children do not deserve to feel responsible for their parents’ relationship breakdown, and parents owe their children the very best possible care throughout the bumpy road of a separation or divorce.

Here are 7 crucial rules to note and remember:

Rule 1: Do not, under any circumstances, argue and shout about your separation in front of your child. This is particularly important if you are fighting about the child. It’s so easy to let your frustration and anger lead you into yet another heated session of name-calling and blame-giving, but keep it out of earshot of your child. If she hears an angry debate that is about her then she might think the whole problem is with her. The last thing you want is your child to start thinking that she is the causes of her parents’ pain and anger. Take deep breaths and calm yourself down. Nothing you say at that moment is important enough to override the potential damage to your child if she hears you scream at one another about her.

Rule 2: Even without your child overhearing arguments between her parents that are about her, she may still blame herself for your separation and needs to be constantly reassured that it’s NOT her fault. Tell her that Mommy and Daddy have some trouble getting along. Tell her that NOTHING she has EVER done has caused this problem. Explain in kind and simple terms that no matter what happens both of you love her deeply and always will. Get the message through to her, and be sure to tell her again and again, as often as is needed. Do not assume that just because she hasn’t approached you to ask if it’s her fault that she isn’t blaming herself anyway. She is likely to be very confused about her role in your problems so do your absolute best to take away any guilt she may be feeling.

Rule 3: Do not use your child as a pawn, or a bargaining tool. For example, do not threaten to take your child away from your partner forever just to get what you want. Your child is there to be nurtured and raised in the best possible environment you can both provide. She is not a means to an end. If there is a genuine danger to your child from your partner then you should protect her at all costs with official intervention if necessary.

Rule 4: Do not use your child as a message carrier, a go-between, or try to poison her opinion of your partner. You may feel complete and utter hatred towards your partner but your child still loves her parent dearly. When it comes to bitter exchanges, “Tell your father this”, or, “Give your mother that”, is always a bad idea that will influence her opinions and actions. Encourage and plan positive meetings, pleasant phone calls, happy stay-overs, and fun days out, but messages of hatred delivered by an innocent child are not good for her.

Rule 5: Talk to your child. She is facing one of the most confusing and traumatic times of her young life, so talk her through it. Using her own terminology, explain what is happening and what is expected to happen next. Do not make wild promises to her that you will be forced to break, instead concentrate on spending as much time with her as you can and offering reassurance and explanation. You might think you are protecting your child, but shielding her from the reality of your situation is non-beneficial. She will be able to cope far better if she understands in her own terms what is going on.

Rule 6: Your child is not there for information gathering. No matter how tempting it may be to gain the edge in a messy divorce or separation, intrusive questions or spying techniques are to be avoided. The pressure on a child who is keeping secrets from a parent is immense, and similarly a mission to gain knowledge for a parent carries too much pressure. It’s simply not good for her to be deceitful in this way.

Rule 7: Remember to listen to your child. Many parents overlook the fact that their child wants to feel she has some control at a time where she has very little. Give her some control. If you are moving to a new area discuss the new living arrangements. Talk to her about her new school, get her to make simple decisions about simple things, like the decor in her new room, or deciding that a certain day of the week will be her day and what she wants to do. A few small positives will help her during a time when negatives are likely to be prominent.

Divorce, or separation is often unavoidable and the impact on any child or children involved will be huge. The potential for psychological and emotional damage to your child during this distressing time for her should be kept to a minimum. Seek professional help if you can, and use common sense always. Do not let your high-running emotions cloud your judgement or decision making. Your child is number one and she needs both parents to be thinking of her welfare before any other matter.


What Should You Do To Save Your Relationship After The Affair?

If you’re the cheated on spouse in a marriage that has been torn apart by infidelity, you’re probably spending a lot of time trying to figure out what you should do after the affair has been exposed. There are no easy answers. To some extent, every spouse in this situation will have to work this out for themselves.

Learning how to cope with a cheating spouse and how to try to rebuild a marriage after an affair is going to test your patience and your fortitude. There are a few things, however, that will help you move forward with your life though. Do these things so you can get back on with the business of living and stop dwelling on what has happened, it’s all in the past and it cannot be undone.

Take care of your pain first

As the cheated on spouse you need to take steps to build a firm internal foundation before you even begin to think about rebuilding a firm foundation in your marriage. That means learning how to effectively manage all of those negative thoughts and emotions, images of the affair, and self-doubts that are now tormenting you. Only when you have regained some semblance of internal peace will you be able to tackle the other problems in your marriage.

Begin working and healing together as a couple

Understandably you probably have a lot of anger toward your spouse, but even so, you need to work on effectively communicating with him or her. After the affair, communicating with your spouse will prove to be quite challenging. After all, emotions are raw and running high, so it will take a lot of effort on the part of both you and your spouse to work together on your communication skills.

Rebuilding the foundation of your marriage

When you and your spouse start communicating in a positive manner instead of angry outbursts and fault finding, then you are ready to begin recreating a stronger foundation for your marriage. Alas, this is no easy journey. It will take time and commitment to the work, not just time alone to overcome the obstacles standing in your way long after the affair is over.


Why Money Matters in Marriage

As the old Beatles song goes, “Money can’t buy me love.” However, the fact remains that money plays a very important role in our relationships.

Indeed, if you have decided to get engaged, this is when the soul-searching begins. No, I’m not referring to choosing the perfect caterer for your dream wedding, but to the realities of everyday life. Ideally, when you were still dating, you and your partner probably discussed finances, and perhaps even commented on how your parents run their own households. But now that there’s a new life ahead of you, you can determine your own financial future.

Getting married definitely changes your financial landscape. So don’t only talk about wedding halls and caterers. Discuss your single credit card bills and spending habits. Decide whether you’ll have a joint account or a combination of separate and joint accounts. Discuss your long-term financial goals as well as the daily technical stuff, such as who will balance the checkbook and pay the bills. Most importantly, be open and honest with each other about your finances.

Take care of the paperwork

At the same time, whether this is your first or second marriage, make or update your will. Review your health and life insurance policies (and rental insurance if you’ll be renting). Do names need to be changed on bank statements and cell phone bills? Calculate a combined net worth to know where you are as a couple and then develop a budget. If you begin your married life with a clear financial picture and goals, you have a greater chance of avoiding the finance-related conflicts that plague many couples.

Overspending strains budgets and relationships. All too often, financial difficulties are a key factor in divorce. One client, in the midst of a divorce, told me, “We made some poor financial decisions when married, but now that I’m leaving her, it’s impossible to escape the consequences of those decisions. I’ll be paying off the accumulated joint debt and child support for decades.” Indeed, there’s a reason why divorcees frequently have a lower life style when separated than while living together: two households are more expensive to run than one. If you see your ex living it high, while you’re keeping to a tight budget, don’t assume s/he knows what s/he’s doing and is living the good life. Being practical and budget-minded may not be fun, but these are the characteristics of building a solid fiscal foundation.

Whether newly married or newly divorced, when you’re standing at the crossroads of your life, take the greatest care that the decisions you make are financially sound.

Disclaimer: Douglas Goldstein, CFP®, is the director of Profile Investment Services and the host of the Goldstein on Gelt radio show. He is a licensed financial professional both in the U.S. and Israel. Securities offered through Portfolio Resources Group, Inc., Member FINRA, SIPC, MSRB, NFA, SIFMA. Accounts carried by National Financial Services LLC. Member NYSE/SIPC, a Fidelity Investments company.

Want to read more great articles on finance and marriage? Go to http://www.profileperspectives.com for more articles on personal finance and great money management tips.

Finding the Perfect Spouse

There are few things in life that can be as fulfilling, joyous, frustrating, or as disastrous as marriage. Make no mistake, if you are planning to get married soon, there will be trials and tribulations (to those who have been married for some time now, this statement is a no-brainer). However, you stand to gain one of the most precious things life has to offer. Even considering the infinite amount of variables such as personality, goals, circumstances (both foreseen and unforseen),  differing backgrounds, personal flaws,  and so on, a succesful  marriage IS possible! The idea of this article is not to defame or discourage tying the knot, rather it’s purpose is to offer some suggestions for those considering it in the near future. I am not a marriage specialist or counselor. What I do offer is some fresh experience and perspective from some tough lessons learned by both my beautiful wife Lindie and myself. I also highly value my companionship with my wife and feel this happiness is something that other’s can attain as well. So my aim is to do my best to help you find it.


Unforgettable R&B break-up songs

Dear Readers, something each and every one of us have in common are the break-ups, and heartbreaks, we have all either been through, are going through now, or even, God forbid, will go through at some point in our future. I invite you all to come on over. I am throwing a “pity-party” for all of us. I even took the initiative to make us a mixed CD for our little shin-dig, and since break-ups, and heartbreaks are such bad luck, I have chosen 13, (gasp), songs for our CD.

Since you have all decided to take me up on my offer, and come to my party,let me just say, I am glad you could make it. Make yourself at home, while I load this CD into the player. Let’s crack open a few cold ones, bash the ones who did us wrong, and have ourselves a good cry.

The first song that comes through the speakers is “Oooh, Baby, Baby” – Smokey Robinson and The Miracles. A hit in 1965, that is considered to be the groups signature song. The song is about the man, cheating on his woman, and begging to be forgiven. I am sure, there are quite a few of us, that will identify with this track. (As that song ends, a few seconds later, begins) …..

“Have You Seen Her” – The Chi-Lites. A hit from 1971. This song is for the ones among us, that never had a clue there was anything wrong, and never got an explanation as to what went wrong, or even when it went wrong. Some of us just never got any real answers or closure. (As we all pop another top) ………

“Reflections” – Diana Ross and The Supremes. A 1967 Motown hit. “In you I put, All my faith and trust, Right before my eyes, My world has turned to dust.” I know deep in my soul, that every single one of us at my party has felt this way, probably more times than we would admit, even to ourselves. (The next song coming through the sound system) ……..

“Band Of Gold” – Freda Payne. A hit in 1970. “Now that you’re gone, All that’s left is a band of gold.” A classic tune for all of us that have suffered through divorce. Honestly, nothing else needs to be said about this song. We know who we are, that have been there, on the crap end of the stick. (As a few tears start to be shed, and yet another top is popped) ………

“Sail On” – The Commodores. 1979. We are coming to grips with our situation in this song. Our friends and those close to us, tried to warn us, and we just wouldn’t listen. Let ‘em go, they are not worth trying to hold on to! Good riddance, we say. We are now, “looking for a good time”! “Sail On”, Dude, or Dudette! (High-fives


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