Trying to score points against your ex VS focusing on winning the overall game!
CHESS: Chess is a game of strategy and tactics, a game to take out your opponents pieces until you take them all and then attack their king.
This is in no way what break ups or divorce should ever be about but sadly enough it is the reality of so many couples today. Instead of focusing on taking pieces of your opponent you should be focusing on winning the overall game. Which any player would say is much more rewarding in the long run.
Many chess players concede some of their pieces at the start of a chess game and it may look like they will loose but as their opponent gets distracted and pride kicks in they end up making silly mistakes and loose focus on what is important and in result they then lose the game, sometimes very quickly
This is analogy is not to compare divorce to a GAME because it in no way is, and certainly isn’t “Fun” which is what games were first intended for. But a lot of people these days treat break ups and divorce like a game. A cruel game, It becomes a constant effort to prove the other person wrong or show them how happy you are without them or trying to make them miserable to make yourself feel better. In divorce – people spend too much time focused on scoring points against their ex. But this is completely the wrong approach in facing a break up of any sort. It is upsetting how some relationships end out. And in many cases they are completely unfair but it is never then made fair by a person getting even and it never will. The correct way it should be handled is to – play the ball and not the person. Play the cards you have been dealt but do not sabotage people around you in the process because you will never find rest in that. Focus on the overall picture, achieving the objectives that you set for yourself to accomplish the things that what will help you and grow you through this time.
Do not focus on winning points or rueining someone elses chances of finding happiness. Focus on yourself and what you need to do to find happiness again. Look for ways to step up to the challenges you’re faced with and deal with them with integrity and maturity that is how you will really win.
Till next time!
Lots of hugs,
Adèle Théron – Author, Change specialist, Family Mediator and Divorce Angel – has an 11 year career in helping people cope with change. She started off in the corporate world helping people adapt to new situations and experiences created by mergers, acquisitions and large software implementations. The change techniques she created have helped thousands of people in 18 global companies worldwide. When she herself experienced a divorce in 2009, she realised that no structured processes existed to help people cope with divorce and she used her change management techniques to develop a revolutionary systemized process called the naked divorce for healing from divorce within 21 steps. Adèle has worked with professional men, women and couples as a family mediator, divorce coach and divorce program trainer, helping people heal from break ups, separations and divorce. Today countless people depend on her process to help them heal from divorce. www.nakeddivorce.com