When in Doubt Talk it out

Things in the marriage are a little rough. No one seems to be happy. Everything the couple has done to help seems to have gone flat. Perhaps some of the basics like trust, love, and communication skills are all under fire. So what is keeping the ring on the finger? Is it just doubt? Maybe by reviewing some possible fears and doubts there can be some resolution to the situation.

1. Can love ever be found again?

There is no concrete answer to that question. The future is unsure. Is there real love in the situation now? Is it more about companionship? However, as long as there is a committed relationship with a ring and vows no one should be out looking for other options. So if one is ready for a new love, divorce seems the viable option.

2. What about the children?

Children will be affected. However, if it is handled correctly they will be able to deal with the changing situation. Divorce parents should remember to put the children’s needs first after the divorce and keep quibbling away from them. They don’t belong in the middle. Children will be affected if they stay in a marriage with unhappy and fighting parents as well.

3. Who gets the friends?

No matter how hard all the friends try and stay neutral, decisions have to be made. Awkward moments may occur when divorced parties show up at the same function. It’s fair to say that making new friends will have to happen if divorce is the choice. Old friends will still be there, but personal growth will require enlarging social circles.

4. Can I make it financially?

The party with the best lawyer gets the money. Having another source of income and a place to live are very real concerns and should be a part of the decision. Make sure if divorce is the option those issues are covered in the paper work. If education is needed include those costs in the settlement agreement.

5. Is there any way we can make this work?

This may be one of the biggest doubts. Normally, marriage starts out with two people who truly have deep feelings for one another and have a common goal of a lifetime of happiness. People don’t just wake up one morning and decide they have no love for their partner. It comes in little steps and stages. So it would make sense that maybe little steps back towards each other may do the same thing. The truth is two people who want to make things work, no matter what can probably succeed. If one of the parties has hesitation then it is probably better to cut the ties.

If divorce is the option, protect each other from hate, because of the feeling you used to have. Practice forgiveness and divorce with dignity.

 

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